Opinion

Band 5+: Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for child's mental health. To what extent, do you agree or disagree?

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In recent days, watching TV and playing video games for along time influence children’s mental health. From my prespective, I am strongly agree this point of view. In the following paragraphs I will explain the main reasons elaborating my opinion.

To begin with, children are in growing phase that they should focus in their life style to prevent any bad habits affect in them. In addition, video games and TV are not the best way that they can waste their spare time in it because there is no benefits are coming from them. In fact, studies said TV and video games are the main source for distraction . Then, children will not be able to focus on their studies and can’t be creative or even do any developments in their age.

Also, children will not try to explore their talents. They can’t have a quilty time with themselves in upgrading their thinking level. They will be dull and stupid as they can’t know how to deal with others. Another thing, they will be late to their sleeping time and that affect in attempt to think in schools. Mothers should prevent children from wasting their time in a useless things such as TV and video games. Actually, supermarkets should decrease the number of video games to help children in that.

In the conclusion, there is no doubt that TV and playing video games have an extremely influence in children’s mental health and we should prevent that to save this new generation.

Word Count: 250

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 8

video: 6

games: 6

children: 5

should: 4

prevent: 3

can’t: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

5.5

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, but the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The support for the position is weak and lacks specific examples or evidence. To improve, provide more detailed and well-developed reasons to support the position, and consider addressing the opposing viewpoint to strengthen the argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

4.5

The essay is somewhat difficult to follow due to the lack of clear organization and coherence. There are frequent lapses in cohesion, and the paragraphing is not effectively managed. To enhance coherence and cohesion, use transition words to connect ideas, organize the essay into clear paragraphs, and ensure that the progression of ideas is logical and easy to follow.

Lexical Resource

4.5

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and lacks precision in word choice. There are also instances of awkward or inaccurate language use. To improve, expand the range of vocabulary used, pay attention to word choice and accuracy, and strive for more natural and sophisticated language.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

4.5

The essay exhibits a limited range of sentence structures and frequent grammatical errors. Punctuation and grammar are often used incorrectly, affecting the overall clarity of the essay. To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, work on using a variety of sentence structures, pay attention to punctuation and grammar rules, and consider seeking assistance to improve accuracy.

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