Opinion

Band 7+: Some believe that younger family members should be legally responsible for supporting older family members when they become physically, mentally and financially unable to look after themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Some individuals think that responsibility to support the elders in the family when they lack the ability to take care of themselves should be legitimated. Personally, I disagree with this opinion.

It is undeniable that taking care of family members when they get older is considered a cultural tradition that should be fostered. In many countries, it is a filial obligation for the offspring to compensate for the care that parents gave to them in their youth. This shows their love, piety and appreciation for the sacrifices of the elders for their upbringing. Moreover, having the young supporting the older members can substantially reduce the burden of government budget allocated for ensuring the elderly’s wellbeing and social security. By this way, the national budget can be used for investment in other crucial sectors such as public healthcare or science.

However, this proposal fails to consider the related problems coming along with it. Firstly, obligation to support the elders can add up to the existing difficulties faced by the young. In this modern society where young families are already struggling with high living costs and child upbringing, having to cover another expenditure and responsibility for older members may worsen the situation, turning it into a burden that they have to carry. Secondly, this policy cannot be imposed in various family backgrounds. For instance, a disabled child who permanently has to rely on support from other people cannot be expected to take the responsibility to look after his parents when they get older. Therefore, adjustments in such rules may be troublesome and, in some cases, nearly impossible.

In conclusion, looking after older family members plays an important role in fostering good morality and reducing the national financial burden. However, I believe that it should not be considered an obligated responsibility due to the various arising problems, including the young’s increasing burden and suitability for diverse family backgrounds, making the rule impractical to be taken into effect.

Word Count: 324

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 5

older: 5

responsibility: 4

members: 4

burden: 4

support: 3

elders: 3

should: 3

their: 3

young: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay provides a clear and well-developed position that is maintained throughout the response. The writer effectively addresses both sides of the argument - acknowledging the cultural and economic benefits of familial support before presenting strong counter-arguments regarding the financial strain on the youth and the impracticality of applying such laws to diverse family circumstances. The ideas are relevant and well-supported with logical reasoning. To reach a higher score, the development of the first body paragraph could be slightly more nuanced. While you mention that supporting the elderly reduces the government's burden, you could more explicitly link this back to why some people believe this should be a *legal* requirement rather than just a cultural one. Additionally, ensuring that the transition between the benefits and the drawbacks is even more seamless would enhance the overall cohesion of the argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is well-structured, with a clear progression of ideas. The introduction sets the stage, the body paragraphs address both sides of the argument effectively, and the conclusion summarizes the main points. Cohesive devices like 'Moreover', 'However', 'Firstly', and 'Secondly' are used appropriately to guide the reader. To reach a higher level, ensure that the transitions between sentences within paragraphs are even more seamless to avoid a slightly formulaic feel.

Lexical Resource

You have used a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as 'filial obligation', 'substantially reduce the burden', 'social security', and 'impractical'. The word choices are generally accurate and sophisticated. To improve, try to incorporate even more nuanced collocations and avoid minor repetitive phrasing to demonstrate a more natural, native-like command of the language. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a good range of complex sentence structures. However, there are some minor grammatical inaccuracies and phrasing issues that occasionally disrupt the flow. For example, phrases like 'legitimated' (in the context of legal responsibility) or 'the young supporting the older members' could be more naturally expressed as 'making it a legal requirement' or 'younger generations supporting their elders'. Pay close attention to article usage and prepositional accuracy to ensure full control over your grammatical structures.

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