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Band 5+: Some feel that punishment should focus more on rehabilitation instead of long prison terms. Others feel prison terms are important for social stability. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some individuals believe that punishment ought to focus more on rehabilitation rather than long term imprisonment. While others believe that imprisonment is crucial to maintain social stability. Although, the latter can be beneficial to some extent, I believe that long term imprisonment for offenders is more appropriate to reinforce the social stability.

To begin with, rehabilitation reduces reoffending. This process of correcting wrong doers is often seen as a predominant approach. Programs such as education, counselling, and vocational training address the root causes of criminal behaviours, making individuals are less likely to commit any crimes again. In addition, focusing on rehabilitation is more humane and ethical way to treat offenders. This dipicts that any person can change, and turns their life into good human being. For instance, counselling program can assiat drug addicts to mitigate their addiction, resulting in a normal life.

I believe that prison term is far more appropriate approach to deal with the criminals due to the fact that long prison sentences discourage offenders to do the crime again. If wrong doers are kept into the prison for a long time, they can easily underatand that they are supposed eliminitae such criminal activities. Moreover, keeping criminals in prison ensures the public safety. If they are not confined into the jail, they are not likey to realize the the difference between the life of a good human being and a criminals.

In conclusion, although rehabilitation can be seen as a way to punish criminals, I believe that long term imprisonment is a more viable way to punish offenders and protect communial stability.

Word Count: 264

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Overall Band Score

5.5

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

believe: 5

rehabilitation: 4

imprisonment: 4

offenders: 4

prison: 4

criminals: 3

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Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and discussing both sides of the argument. However, the supporting ideas could benefit from more focus and precision. To improve, ensure each point is thoroughly developed with specific examples and clear explanations of how it supports your argument. Also, consider exploring the nuances of each perspective more deeply to demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding of the topic.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions are sometimes abrupt, and the flow of ideas isn't always smooth. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to link ideas and improve the overall coherence. For example, in the introduction, the transition to your opinion could be smoother. In the body paragraphs, ensure each sentence logically follows from the previous one and contributes to the main point of the paragraph.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and natural. Some phrases are slightly awkward or unclear. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary related to the topic and practicing using new words in context. Pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions to make your writing sound more fluent and accurate. For example, 'dipicts that any person can change' could be rephrased for better clarity and impact.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede understanding. Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are noticeable. To improve, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Proofread carefully for errors and consider seeking feedback from a language tutor or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct mistakes. For example, 'making individuals are less likely' should be 'making individuals less likely'.

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