Discussion

Band 5+: Some individuals think that mandatory community service for teenagers should be implemented to foster social responsibility, whereas others contend that it infringes on personal freedom and burdens young people. Discuss both perspectives and provide your own viewpoint.

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It is often argued that some people believe that communities service for young adults before university would benefit society and the individuals themselves, while other believe that this would be an infringement of personal freedom and waste of time. This essay will discuss both views before explaining why I believe the benefits of community service are greater.

At a first glance, the community service make student more responsible and teach them useful skills like teamwork, discipline, communication and most important their responsibility towards the society it also give them a practical experience which indirectly meld them into a more mature person. Furthermore, society get benefits from young people work like helping elderly people, cleaning public places, helping during disasters and teaching children and as a result community improves. Lastly, young adult get opportunities to work with different background people which develop empathy, understanding and social awareness all this thing help them to become a gentle person.

However, there are some negative impact on students for forcefully community service. First, their personal freedom affect not all young adults interested in community service.

Mandatory service affect student personal choice, like some students wants to join university immediately. Secondly, it waste time if the service not properly organised students will not get the meaningful work which indirectly waste their one year with no useful skills also delay in university which affect their carer, Also not all students are suitable for service like many of them have health problem or personal responsibilities and the mandatory rule would be difficult for them.

In conclusion, I believe the benefits outweigh the disadvantages, provided that the programme is well organised and flexible.

Word Count: 275

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

service: 7

community: 5

people: 4

believe: 4

young: 4

personal: 4

their: 4

which: 4

students: 4

university: 3

would: 3

society: 3

waste: 3

benefits: 3

affect: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear position, which is a strength. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. The discussion of the benefits of community service is more developed than the discussion of the drawbacks, which are briefly mentioned. The essay would benefit from more specific examples and a more balanced exploration of both views. Additionally, there are frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can hinder clarity. To improve, focus on providing more detailed support for each point, ensuring equal treatment of both perspectives, and refining language accuracy.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both sides, and a conclusion. However, coherence and cohesion are hindered by frequent grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which make some sentences difficult to follow. For example, 'At a first glance, the community service make student more responsible' and 'Mandatory service affect student personal choice' contain errors that disrupt the flow. Additionally, the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'Lastly' used without a clear list). To improve, focus on sentence clarity, use a wider range of linking words accurately, and ensure each paragraph has a clear central topic supported by well-connected ideas.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the main ideas, but there is limited range and some inappropriate word choices or collocations (e.g., 'meld them into a more mature person', 'gentle person', 'carer' instead of 'career'). There are also repeated words like 'community service' and 'students'. To achieve a higher score, expand your vocabulary with more precise and varied terms, and use collocations accurately. For instance, instead of 'gentle person', consider 'well-rounded individual' or 'empathetic citizen'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are numerous grammatical errors that significantly affect clarity. These include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'community service make', 'it also give'), incorrect word forms (e.g., 'forcefully' instead of 'forced', 'waste' instead of 'wastes'), missing articles (e.g., 'different background people'), and punctuation issues (e.g., comma splices, missing commas). Sentence structures are often simple and repetitive, with attempts at complex sentences that are flawed. To improve, review basic grammar rules, practice constructing complex sentences accurately, and proofread carefully to eliminate errors.

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