Discussion

Band 6+: Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Unfortunately, it is true that many solutions are already implemented and they are mostly not working. Imprisonment and the death penalty were present for an extremely long time, but they did not produce an immediate improvement. So introducing more methods might seem useless.

Nevertheless, it is crucial to deter criminals from harming innocent people. One approach is to remove legal exceptions like young age or mental illness. Nowadays, a significant number of criminals try to get away with their actions using these excuses and in the vast majority of cases, it works. The existence of such exemptions might encourage them to commit more crimes, so these should be banned. In Korea, a lot of people are complaining about how the young age exception is one of the main problems in the society. Because of this exception, numerous minors are not respecting the law knowing that they will not be punished. If this exemption gets removed, minors will be afraid of the possibility of penalties which might decrease the rate of crime.

Additionally, another way is to add more security. Some areas like the streets or several buildings are not safe enough due to lack of security cameras, which can make criminals target innocent people more easily. The government should add more security cameras and hire more security guards or other groups of people to make all areas safe. Also, adding more features like facial recognition technology in most of the cameras will definitely reduce crime rates.

Last but not least, longer imprisonment will certainly prevent crimes. Many criminals today are not scared of causing problems in society since they do not take imprisonment as a serious problem. If the imprisonment time gets longer, then most of them will be aware of the serious consequences, because they will lose a lot of years in their lives.

In conclusion, it is true that preventing crime is a very difficult task. However, to make the world a safe place to live, it is extremely important for the government to implement more measures to protect the citizens. By removing legal exceptions, improving safety features and increasing years of imprisonment, the rate of crime will reduce significantly.

Word Count: 362

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

imprisonment: 5

criminals: 4

people: 4

security: 4

might: 3

cameras: 3

crime: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the main parts of the prompt by presenting a clear position that more can be done to prevent crime. The position is developed with relevant ideas such as removing legal exceptions, adding security, and longer imprisonment. However, the supporting ideas lack some precision and depth; for example, the discussion on legal exceptions could be more nuanced, and the examples (e.g., Korea) are mentioned but not fully explained. To improve, ensure each main idea is extended with specific evidence or reasoning, and avoid overly broad statements like 'all areas safe.' Additionally, the introduction could be more concise and directly state the essay's focus without repeating the prompt.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are logically presented, and each paragraph focuses on a distinct point. However, the introduction could be more concise and directly address the topic without restating the prompt. The use of cohesive devices is adequate but sometimes repetitive (e.g., 'Additionally', 'Last but not least'). To improve, vary linking words and ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. The conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments but could be strengthened by avoiding a direct repetition of the introduction.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with some effective use of less common words (e.g., 'deter', 'exemptions', 'implemented'). The language is generally appropriate and conveys the intended meaning clearly. However, there are occasional instances of awkward phrasing (e.g., 'I will argue about this issue through this essay') and some repetition (e.g., 'crime' and 'criminals' used frequently). To enhance lexical resource, consider using more synonyms and precise terms, and avoid informal expressions like 'get away with'. Overall, the vocabulary is sufficient for a high score but lacks the sophistication of a band 9. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward constructions that affect clarity. For example, 'I absolutely believe that there are more ways to prevent crime and it is essential for governments to adopt more effective approaches to stop the criminals' could be rephrased for better flow. Additionally, there are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'minors are not respecting the law knowing that they will not be punished' could be more precise) and punctuation (e.g., missing commas in complex sentences). The grammar checker indicates that these errors are minor but noticeable. To improve, focus on sentence variety and accuracy, particularly in conditional and complex structures. Proofreading for common mistakes would also help.

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Band 6+: Some people believe more actions can be taken to prevent crime, while others think that little can be done. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

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