Discussion

Band 5+: Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is argued that whether children should be punished for their committed crimes or their guardians. I believe youngers should be sentenced for their crimes not their parents.

There is a number of reasons for punishing children for their committed violence. One possible reason is that they will be more conscious about making a mistake if they get a punishment for their fault. In addition, minors are always tend to learn from those mistake that they are punished for. By taking them inquiry or any sorts of punishment, we can teach them that is inappropriate to do and you should not involve with this types of job. Thus, they get a proper lesson which help them in the long run to be a responsible citizen.

However, parents have some responsibilities towards their kids. They should teach them manners, and rules and regulations. As guardians have a great influence on their babies, so they must assure that their children are not get to crimes or violence. Sometimes parent’s less attention to their kids causes children ti be involved with crimes. That’s why some people think parents need to be punished.

In conclusion, though parents have influence and responsibilities to their babies but it is not desirable that they should face sentence for a crime that they not involved in. So, children sholud be take into account for their committed crime.

Word Count: 229

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 12

children: 5

should: 5

crimes: 4

committed: 3

parents: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views, but the discussion lacks depth and development. The position is somewhat clear, but it could be more fully developed and directly tied to the question. The ideas presented are relevant, but they are not fully extended and lack support. The essay could benefit from providing more specific examples and elaborating on the points made. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The message is generally understandable, but there are some coherence and cohesion issues. The essay lacks clear paragraphing and the progression of ideas is not always smooth. Additionally, there are some language errors that affect the overall coherence. Using transition words and structuring the essay with clear topic sentences could improve the cohesion.

Lexical Resource

There is an attempt to use a range of vocabulary, but it is not always accurate or appropriate. Some words are used incorrectly, and there are instances of awkward phrasing. Aim for more precise and natural use of vocabulary. Additionally, expanding the range of vocabulary used would enhance the lexical resource.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a range of structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors throughout. Punctuation and grammar need improvement for a more accurate and varied use. Proofreading for sentence structure and grammatical accuracy is recommended.

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