Discussion

Band 5+: Some people believe that governments can improve people's quality of life through publicservices and welfare. Others think individuals are responsible for their own well-being.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is argued by some people that government intervention can help people to improve their lifestyle. On the other hand, some people think the public should have to be self responsible for their living standards. In this essay, we will talk on both opinions and I also give my opinion.

The people who think government support and public services can improve their quality of life are right on their opinion. Because a normal citizen is already working very hard to support their family and to bear his expenses in such situation a person needs assistance and support from the government as well. In developed countries like Canada government support public in completing the study of their childrens and they also help parents by giving monthly financial assistance for their childrens. They also provide completely free medical services to the whole families. These basic government supports help people a lot to improve their daily life.

On the other side, some people believe that citizens are responsible of their well-being. I think it is a good message in case the government of that country is not strong to provide such facilities to their public in such situations government also needs the help of their citizens to become a developed country and I think individuals should also have to work hard to improve their future and to make their country strong. Countries like China become successful due the hard work and dedication of the public.

In my opinion, if the country is well developed and strong enough to provide financial assistance and other supports to their public then they should have to make sure that they are supporting their country residents and in case if the government is also suffering loans and other problems then public should have to support their government to improve their future.

Word Count: 303

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 17

government: 9

people: 6

public: 6

improve: 5

support: 5

country: 5

other: 4

think: 4

should: 4

assistance: 3

developed: 3

provide: 3

strong: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both viewpoints and providing a personal opinion. A position is clearly stated in the conclusion, though it could be more integrated throughout the essay to ensure a consistent progression of thought. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Development of Ideas**: While you provide examples (Canada and China), the arguments remain somewhat superficial. Instead of just stating that people work hard, explain *how* government services specifically translate into a higher 'quality of life' (e.g., reducing poverty, increasing life expectancy, or social mobility). 2. **Clarity and Precision**: Some arguments are slightly circular. For instance, the idea that citizens should work hard to make a country strong is a valid point, but it needs to be more clearly linked to the concept of 'individual responsibility for well-being.' 3. **Cohesion**: Use more sophisticated linking words to connect your ideas. The transition between the discussion of government support and the discussion of individual responsibility could be smoother. 4. **Grammar and Vocabulary**: There are several grammatical errors (e.g., 'responsible of' instead of 'responsible for', 'childrens' instead of 'children', and 'talk on both opinions') that occasionally hinder the flow. Aim for more precise academic vocabulary.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both views, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using more sophisticated cohesive devices (e.g., 'Furthermore', 'Conversely', 'Consequently') instead of repetitive structures. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is functional but quite basic and repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'people', 'support', and 'government'). There are also errors in word choice and collocation, such as 'talk on both opinions' instead of 'discuss both views' or 'responsible of' instead of 'responsible for'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise academic vocabulary and varied synonyms to avoid repetition. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder the reader's understanding. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'government support public'), pluralization errors (e.g., 'childrens'), and sentence fragments (e.g., starting a sentence with 'Because'). Additionally, some sentence structures are overly simplistic. Work on mastering complex sentence structures and ensuring that punctuation is used correctly to separate independent and dependent clauses.

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Band 5+: Some people believe that governments can improve people's quality of life through publicservices and welfare. Others think individuals are responsible for their own well-being.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Other Topics:

More and more governments are encouraging businesses to move from cities to rural areas. Is this a positive or a negative trend?

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries around the world, men and women tend to have their children later in life. Why is this happening? What are the effects on society and family life?

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Employers should reward employees based on performance rather than experience. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is the responsibility of individuals to save and provide for their own retirement. Governments have no obligation to provide this benefit. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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Task Response

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