Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that governments should invest more in promoting traditional arts and crafts. Others think that government funding should focus on technological advancements. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In today’s rapidly change world, education has become a crucial part in every aspect of life. Education contains different subjects such as science, technology and arts. Some people believe that governments should invest more in the arts. while, other argue that science and technology deserve greater funding. This essay will discuss both; also, it will give reasons why science and technology require more money.

To begin with, The Government must decide which one required more fund. On the one hand, arts are the simple subjects, they do not need any kind of funds. For example, if we select arts subjects in the indermediate, to study them we just need a books, not required practical work. Therefore, so funds is not essential for it. Moreover, arts subjects contains information about our society, and also politicians. It does’t help us to develop a new things, study in our health system.

On the other hand, proponents of science and technology tells the advantages of these subjects. Science is the subjects that helps us to develop new thing by doing a lot practical work. Hence, it required a substancial funds for chemical, and also for doing experiment on living organism.For instance, As students need laboratory and expensive chemicals to perform practical work in the class, Therefore, they need a massive fund for it. Additionally, Technology are very important in this fast growing world. Students require a computer labs to learn, How to develop a new technology, fund is essential for seeking technologies.

In conclusion, I believe that a massive amount of fund is require in science and technology subjects rather than arts, not any fund need except books.

Word Count: 274

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

subjects: 7

technology: 7

science: 6

require: 3

required: 3

funds: 3

practical: 3

develop: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both views and providing a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is limited and lacks depth. The argument that arts 'do not need any kind of funds' is an oversimplification and lacks logical nuance, as arts also require funding for museums, galleries, and cultural preservation. To improve, you should aim to develop your arguments more comprehensively. Instead of stating that a subject requires no money, consider discussing how the *allocation* of money differs (e.g., infrastructure vs. research). Additionally, ensure that your supporting examples are more sophisticated. Work on grammatical accuracy, particularly regarding subject-verb agreement and sentence structure, to ensure your ideas are communicated clearly and professionally.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs for both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by grammatical errors and poor sentence structure. The use of cohesive devices is sometimes incorrect (e.g., using 'while' as a standalone sentence or improper use of 'therefore'). To improve, focus on using linking words naturally to connect ideas within and between sentences, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, central topic sentence that is supported by logical development.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite limited and repetitive (e.g., frequent use of 'fund', 'subjects', and 'new things'). There are also several spelling errors (e.g., 'indermediate', 'substancial') and word formation issues (e.g., 'rapidly change world' instead of 'rapidly changing world'). To improve, try to use synonyms to avoid repetition - for example, instead of 'fund', use 'financial support', 'subsidies', or 'budgetary allocation'. Aim to use more precise academic vocabulary to describe the impact of science and arts. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Technology are', 'arts subjects contains'), article usage ('a books', 'a computer labs'), and sentence fragments. Punctuation is also used incorrectly, particularly with commas and capital letters. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, ensuring subject-verb agreement, and practicing the correct use of singular and plural nouns with their corresponding articles.

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Band 4+: Some people believe that governments should invest more in promoting traditional arts and crafts. Others think that government funding should focus on technological advancements. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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