Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that only the most outstanding students should be rewarded. Others, however, thinks that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals think that especially the most students should be rewarded, however , others believe that it’s more main to award schoolguys who show improvements in their study. I strongly believe that it’s unnecessary to reward students for the study on paper.

Rewarding every students for their good study or achievement, and it gives motivation and to encourage them it is also very necessary. Supporting them it may help they arouses the desire to study. For example, in Japan every tutor must be reward their students for their good behavior and their well education. And the school director control them, it is very common method emergence of a desire to learn. If they didn’t have enough motivation to their study, it can lead to ignorance and eliminates their natural desire.

However, rewarding only the most outstanding students can bring several serious problems. The main problem is that this approach may discourage average learners who are working hard but cannot compete with naturally gifted classmates. As a result, many students feel their effort get ignored, and it may lose their motivation.Therefore,only reward outstanding student alone can lead to a demotivating the other students.

In conclusion, rewarding only outstanding schoolguys can lead to other students feel more ignored and lose their natural desire to study. Therefore, I think everyone should be encouraged equally and this is fair.

Word Count: 225

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
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Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

their: 10

students: 7

study: 6

reward: 3

desire: 3

outstanding: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both views and providing an opinion. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and sufficient development. The arguments are somewhat simplistic and could benefit from more specific examples and deeper analysis. To improve, focus on providing more concrete evidence to support your claims and ensure that your ideas are clearly and logically presented. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat discernible, but the progression of ideas is often unclear. Paragraphing is present, but the connection between paragraphs needs improvement. Transitions are weak or absent, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve coherence, focus on using clear topic sentences, logical transitions, and ensuring each paragraph develops a single, focused idea.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and repetitive, limiting the ability to express ideas precisely. There are noticeable inaccuracies in word choice. To enhance lexical resource, try to use a wider range of vocabulary, focusing on synonyms and more specific terms related to the topic. Pay attention to the correct usage and collocation of words.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors that impede understanding. Sentence structures are simple and often inaccurate. Errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage are prevalent. To improve grammatical accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing and carefully proofread your work to identify and correct errors.

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