Opinion

Band 4+: Some people believe that students should focus only on academic subjects, while others think they should also learn practical skills like cooking or managing money."

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Some people believe that students should learn traditional subjects like mathematics and science at school. Others think that learn practical skills such as cooking and managing money at school. In my view, traditional subjects were more significant.

On the one hand, every people should know practical skills such as cooking and managing money because this is one of the most important and useful skill in life. Espeacially at school, If students learn new skills who are very young, they won’t face to different challenges in their future life. Although this kinda skills are really significant, there aren’t skills a lot at school. Cause of many people think that student can learn skills at home, traditional subjects more better than practical skills. But some parents doesn’t pay attention their children to learn skills, so if students learn practical skills at school, children stay focused and parent don’t worry about it. To sum up, students should be learn practical skills at school.

On the other hand, to be frank I support that view, students should be learn traditional subjects because children can learn practical skills at different courses instead of at school. Now because of new technologies are really developed and common day by day, different kind of courses are organizing by like government. Particularly, children can learn skills in online maybe or ofline after finished school. So, there are a lot of ways to learn skills for students. I think traditional subjects are more important in today’s life for career or daily life. Futhermore, there aren’t so many schools in our country which is consist of only traditional skills like cooking or managing money so l believe teaching traditional subjects more better for students.

In conclusion. Learn traditional subjects and practical skills both of them really crucial but traditional subjects are more useful and necessarySome people think that students should learn practical skills such as cooking and managing money at school. Others believe that traditional subjects like mathematics and science are more important..

Word Count: 332

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

skills: 16

learn: 13

traditional: 10

subjects: 9

school: 8

practical: 8

students: 7

should: 5

people: 4

think: 4

cooking: 4

managing: 4

money: 4

children: 4

believe: 3

because: 3

important: 3

different: 3

really: 3

there: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear position in the introduction and conclusion. However, the development of ideas is inconsistent. While you present reasons for both practical and traditional subjects, the arguments often lack depth and logical progression. For example, the transition between why skills are important and why they should be taught at home is somewhat confusing. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Idea Development**: Instead of making many brief points, choose one or two main ideas per paragraph and expand on them with specific examples or logical explanations. 2. **Cohesion and Logic**: Ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next. Avoid jumping between different ideas (e.g., moving from the importance of skills to the lack of school resources in the same paragraph without a clear transition). 3. **Clarity of Argument**: Ensure your supporting points directly reinforce your main argument. In the second paragraph, you argue for practical skills, but then conclude that traditional subjects are better, which creates confusion regarding your stance in that specific section. 4. **Avoid Repetition**: The conclusion contains a large amount of repetitive text from the prompt, which should be removed to maintain a professional academic tone.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay struggles with logical progression and organization. While you attempt to use transition signals like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand,' the internal logic of the paragraphs is often contradictory. For example, in the first body paragraph, you argue for practical skills but end by saying traditional subjects are better, which confuses the reader. To improve, ensure that each paragraph focuses on one clear side of the argument and that your personal opinion remains consistent throughout the text. Avoid repeating the prompt at the very end of your conclusion.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is quite basic and repetitive. There are several instances of informal language (e.g., 'kinda', 'cause of') and spelling errors (e.g., 'Espeacially', 'ofline', 'Futhermore'). Additionally, some word choices are inaccurate, such as 'different kind of courses are organizing by like government.' To improve, aim to use more academic synonyms and practice collocations (words that naturally go together). Instead of 'more better,' use 'more important' or 'superior.' Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and often impede communication. There are significant issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'parents doesn't', 'schools... which is consist'), sentence structure (e.g., 'students should be learn'), and the use of relative pronouns (e.g., 'skills who are very young'). There is also a lack of control over complex sentence structures. I recommend focusing on fundamental grammar rules, specifically verb tenses, modal verbs, and the difference between active and passive voice, before attempting more complex sentence patterns.

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