Opinion

Band 6+: Some people believe that teenegers should concentrate on all subject. Others think that they should focus on that they are bestb at or find it most interesting.

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Many argue about the school system that the government must apply to improve the student’s knowledge. Some people believe that younger students should be provided with some concentrated subjects because it can boost their knowledge of that material while others think all subjects must be implied at school to make students know more about a lot of subjects. In my perspective, I agree if schools use a focusing subjects system because it’s more potential to make students easily get to dream university and reduce student stress. In this essay I will explain why that system is more beneficial than the contrast one.

Firstly, students who attend the class with focus on subjects that they like and are experts in can be beneficial for them to apply to higher education such as a university degree. By learning only in concentrated subjects, the teenagers can more confidently join the competition and this experience can give them a golden ticket to enter the university. For example, in the faculties of medicine, they usually give a free pass to the student who won the science olympiad. Students that focus on science subjects have better knowledge to solve olympiad questions and make them easily to win this competition

Secondly, school systems that focus on concentrated subjects can reduce the level of student stress because they do not have to audit the class that is not related to their passion. They just focus on learning material that they think is important and enjoy. It can induce the motivation of learning and they can not get easily bored to go to school. For instance, younger people who love art usually have no capability in science subjects. Focusing on art class and not attending other classes such as science can make them happy because they just learn subjects that they like.

In conclusion, the school system must apply the concentrated class that is related to the student’ interest because it gives a lot of benefits such as easy to enter the higher degree and for their mental health. However, the government and school have to make the appropriate regulation before the student chooses their class to make this system fully beneficial.

Word Count: 363

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

subjects: 10

school: 6

system: 5

students: 5

because: 5

class: 5

concentrated: 4

their: 4

student: 4

focus: 4

science: 4

apply: 3

knowledge: 3

easily: 3

university: 3

beneficial: 3

learning: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position in favor of focusing on selected subjects. The main ideas are relevant and supported with examples, but the development lacks depth and precision. The introduction could be more direct in stating the extent of agreement. The examples, while relevant, are not fully elaborated. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, develop ideas with more specific details and logical reasoning, and avoid informal language. Also, consider addressing the counterargument briefly to strengthen the position.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay is logically organized with a clear introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The progression of ideas is generally smooth, and the use of cohesive devices (e.g., 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In conclusion') helps guide the reader. However, some transitions could be more refined, and the link between the introduction's claim and the body paragraphs could be strengthened. The paragraphing is adequate, but the conclusion could more explicitly summarize the main points.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary with some effective use of less common terms (e.g., 'boost their knowledge', 'golden ticket', 'induce the motivation'). There are occasional awkward phrasings (e.g., 'the contrast one', 'audit the class') and minor inaccuracies (e.g., 'more potential to make students easily get to dream university'). Overall, the lexical resource is sufficient to convey the ideas clearly, but more precise and natural word choices would enhance the essay. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, including complex sentences, and generally maintains good grammatical control. There are a few minor errors (e.g., 'make them easily to win' should be 'make it easy for them to win', 'the student' interest' should be 'students' interests'), but these do not impede understanding. Punctuation is mostly accurate. To achieve a higher score, the writer should aim for more consistent accuracy and avoid occasional lapses in subject-verb agreement and article usage.

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Task Response

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Lexical Resource

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