Discussion

Band 4+: Some people believe that the government should spend money on the arts. Others think that public money should be spent on more essential services such as hospitals and schools. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In many countries, people are arguing about whether governments should spend public money on the arts or improve education or healthcare.Personally I believe that administration should disburse money on schooling and healthcare services.In this essay I will discuss both views and give my own opinion.

On the one hand,art history play a huge role in cultural life in society.For years,people admirred arts and history.If government is going to spend cash on workmanship community can leave a mark on history.Creative industries will bankrupt in following years and creative persons such as artists,singers or actors their numbers will decrease and blockbusters movies will not be published.

On the other hand,if ministers invest money in education and healthcare services community can become more educated and diseas will decrease significantly.I support those who think that money should be invested in education and healthcare services community.If we support education our community can become more literate.If sufficient funding only wealthy people can use medical treatment,while family that are living from paycheck to paycheck can not use medical treatment and even schools.

In conclusion,even though the arts are important for preserving cultural identity,I believe that more funding should be spend on education and healthcare services community in order to provide stability to the nations of the world.

Word Count: 210

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

education: 5

should: 4

money: 4

healthcare: 4

community: 4

spend: 3

services: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. However, the ideas lack clarity and could be more developed. To improve, focus on providing more specific examples and clearer explanations to support your arguments. Also, ensure that your writing is precise and avoids generalizations. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and logical flow. Transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be improved to enhance coherence. For example, the connection between admiring arts and the government spending cash on workmanship is not clear. Consider using cohesive devices more effectively to guide the reader through your argument.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, and there are instances of inaccurate word choice ('workmanship community,' 'diseas'). The vocabulary used is not always appropriate for the context, which affects the clarity of the message. To improve, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise language. Pay attention to collocations and the correct usage of words in different contexts. For example, instead of 'Creative industries will bankrupt,' consider 'Creative industries may face financial difficulties.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and sentence structure problems. These errors frequently impede understanding. For example, 'art history play a huge role' should be 'art history plays a huge role,' and 'family that are living from paycheck to paycheck can not use medical treatment' needs restructuring for clarity and grammatical correctness. Focus on improving your understanding of basic grammar rules and sentence construction. Proofread carefully to identify and correct errors.

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