Opinion

Band 5+: Some people say that advertisement is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discus both views and give your opinion.

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It is often argued that advertising is extremely successful at convincing us to purchase things, while others believe that advertising is so common that we are losing interest from it.In this essay i will discuss both perspectives before giving my opinion.

On the one hand, advertising helps us to know the real price of the product. That’s why it becomes successful at persuading us. Advertisement gives us information about a product, including the price and uses. For example, if he wants to buy a car, at first we see video about it. Then we research about it such as how costly it will be and how can we bargain this. After that, we decide whether we should buy it or not. Moreover, when an advertisement of certain product comes in front of our eyes, we can know the benefits and producing materials of that product.

For example, advertisement of a soap shows us how this soap is made and what sorts of advantages we will get from that. That’s why I think ads become successful in getting public attention to buying things.

On the other hand, too much advertisement is the main reason of losing attention. We are tired of watching one clip again and again. For example, when someone watches a sports event on TV, some ads appear again and again during the break. As a result, he becomes discouraged in watching advertisement. Furthermore, some company shows ads about tobacco and cigarette which is harmful for health. That’s why people lose interest from ads.

In conclusion, although advertising has become popular for certain reason, I believe we should become aware in the occasion that why peoples are not paying attention to it.

Word Count: 283

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

advertisement: 5

advertising: 4

about: 4

again: 4

successful: 3

product: 3

that's: 3

example: 3

become: 3

attention: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and providing an opinion. However, the ideas presented lack clarity and could be developed further with more specific examples and explanations. The essay would benefit from a stronger focus and more precise support for the arguments presented. To improve, focus on developing each point more fully with clear, specific examples and explanations. Also, ensure that your opinion is clearly stated and supported with strong reasoning.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs discussing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the flow of ideas within paragraphs could be improved. Transitions between sentences and ideas are sometimes abrupt, making it harder for the reader to follow the argument effortlessly. For example, in the first body paragraph, the connection between knowing the price and being persuaded isn't immediately clear. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to guide the reader. Also, the conclusion could be strengthened by providing a clearer summary of the main points and a more decisive personal opinion.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a basic range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and varied language. Some word choices are not entirely appropriate or natural (e.g., "producing materials"). Expanding your vocabulary and focusing on using synonyms and more specific terms would enhance the essay. Pay attention to collocations and ensure that the words you use fit the context accurately. For example, instead of 'losing interest from it,' consider 'losing interest in it.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, "Advertisement gives us information" should be "Advertisements give us information" or "Advertising gives us information." Similarly, "peoples are not paying attention to it" should be "people are not paying attention to it." Focus on improving your understanding and application of basic grammar rules. Review common errors and practice writing with attention to accuracy. Varying sentence structure would also enhance the essay.

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