Opinion

Band 5+: Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is often said that some people say advertising influences us to buy things that we do not need. Others say that advertisements mention us about new products that may enhance our lives. Owing to the matter, I personally agree considering that most of advertisement could frequently influence society to buy things that we do not need and also mention us about their new products.

With regards to a lots of advertising influences us to buy things that we do not need, some things that usually the people do not use it for tertiary needs. Consequently, ffects on this phenomenon could be various, society could be more impulsive to spend their money. For example, on social media we can find a lots of advertisement that bring over us to be impulsive such as mobile phone sales advertisement which designed to be us engaging as possible with advanced features that users do not actually really need.

On the other hand, there is also advertisements which tell us about their new items which may improve our lives. For instance, once on television we hear that there is advertisement such as high-protein rice sales, with low sugar, and low calory. This is new breakthrough and bring to the positive side such as for people who actually need like diabetes sufferers, remembering that they could not eat many glucose to prevent surging blood sugar levels.

In conclusion, I personally agree the issue regarding some people say that advertising recommend us to buy things that they do not really need. It is often occur in this era, primarily on social media. However, this is also depends on personal option, but the fact that this often lead the people to become impulsive. Other say that advertisemenets mention about new products that may improve their lives and bring several advantages for the people who are really need.

Word Count: 310

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

things: 5

about: 4

advertisement: 4

could: 4

their: 4

often: 3

advertising: 3

mention: 3

lives: 3

impulsive: 3

bring: 3

which: 3

really: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position: that advertising does both, but leans towards encouraging unnecessary spending. The main ideas are relevant, such as the example of impulsive mobile phone purchases and the beneficial example of specialized food products. However, the development of these ideas is somewhat limited, and the progression of arguments could be smoother. To improve, focus on the following: 1. **Clarity of Argumentation**: Ensure that your position is consistently developed. While you mention both sides, the connection between your thesis and the body paragraphs could be more cohesive. 2. **Grammatical Precision**: There are several errors in sentence structure and word choice (e.g., 'mention us about', 'bring over us', 'people who are really need') that occasionally obscure the meaning. Working on subject-verb agreement and preposition usage will help. 3. **Vocabulary Range**: Avoid repetitive phrasing. Instead of repeating 'buy things we do not need,' try using synonyms like 'unnecessary consumption,' 'impulse buying,' or 'superfluous goods.' 4. **Depth of Support**: Instead of just stating that people become impulsive, explain *how* advertising techniques (like psychological triggers or limited-time offers) lead to that behavior to provide a more sophisticated response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is often interrupted by awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. The connection between sentences is sometimes unclear, making it difficult for the reader to follow the logic effortlessly. To improve, focus on using cohesive devices (like 'Furthermore', 'In contrast', or 'As a result') more naturally and ensure that each paragraph has a clear, single central topic that is developed logically.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey basic ideas, but there is a limited range of expression. There are several instances of word choice errors (e.g., 'mention us about', 'bring over us', 'personal option' instead of 'personal opinion') and repetitive use of certain words. To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise academic vocabulary and collocations. For example, instead of 'things that we do not need', you could use 'non-essential goods' or 'superfluous items'. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede communication. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, sentence structure, and word forms (e.g., 'a lots of', 'it is often occur', 'people who are really need'). While you attempt to use complex sentence structures, they often result in errors that make the meaning unclear. Focus on mastering fundamental sentence structures and ensuring that complex sentences are constructed accurately before attempting more sophisticated patterns.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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