Opinion

Band 6+: Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

I think that everyone can divide all advertising products and services into useless ones and useful ones. It is like looking through an information desk when you pay attention to those messages that interest you. Take me for example.

I do not like jewelry. It does not mean I do not have it at all, I have a couple of inexpensive rings as gifts from my parents. I just think, people pay too much attention to this stuff. I believe it is the result of mass advertising. Every day when I am watching TV, listening to the radio or reading the paper I notice many ads about getting an expensive ring, chain, necklace or ear-rings. From my point of view these kinds of advertising contaminate people’s minds. In this case you are encouraged to buy things you do not really need. They make you believe you need such products in order to succeed or be happy.

From the other side, I think that advertisements of the new detergents with up-to-date formulas to help you maintain your cloth in perfect conditions, the new cars with some extra futures that make your traveling more comfortable and sports goods that make your life healthier may help you to improve your life.

Recently my husband and I saw an ad on the Internet about a very interesting and inexpensive vocation to Japan for a week. Is not it awesome? We like traveling. So now we are planning to find out more about it and, may be, make reservations. I believe that without advertisements we would be unaware about plenty of opportunities that may make your life happier, easier and less stressful.

My point is that every person has his own scale of values. So if he is vegetarian he will consider an ad about meat products useless for him.

Word Count: 305

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

about: 5

think: 3

advertising: 3

products: 3

believe: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position, agreeing that advertising can both encourage unnecessary purchases and inform about beneficial products. The ideas are relevant and supported with personal examples. However, the supporting ideas could benefit from more focus and precision to strengthen the argument. To improve, consider developing each point more thoroughly with specific details and explanations, and ensure a clear connection between the examples and the overall argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and attempts to support it with examples. However, the organization could be improved. Transitions between paragraphs and ideas are sometimes abrupt, making it slightly difficult to follow the argument. For instance, the transition from jewelry to detergents feels disconnected. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your reasoning. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and sophistication. Some phrases are a bit generic (e.g., 'stuff,' 'awesome'). Try to use more specific and varied vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. For example, instead of 'contaminate people's minds,' you could use a more nuanced phrase like 'shape consumer desires' or 'influence perceptions.' Also, focus on using collocations naturally. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are noticeable and impact clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement ('advertisements of the new detergents... help you'), pronoun usage ('make your life happier'), and article usage. While the meaning is generally understandable, these errors detract from the overall impression. Focus on proofreading carefully for common errors and practicing more complex sentence structures to improve accuracy.

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