Opinion

Band 6+: Some people say that there is too much harmful content on the internet they say the only way to make the internet save is for the government to censor the content of websites. to what extend do you think the government should control what information is available on the internet?

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Some individuals argue that there is too much destructive information online, so they say that in order to make it safer, the state should ban some types of material on web pages. I personally believe the government must control what is on the internet, but it is also the adults’ and educational centres’ responsibility too.

Firstly, each government worldwide must provide online security for its citizens; an open online platform without any legislation is a lethal weapon, as dangerous as the real ones. For instance, there are some websites that encourage committing crimes, and even organizing them. There is when it is essential that the government has laws in place to prevent more hazardous situations. They can start with a law that when a web page is found with inappropriate material a n enomous amount of money will be paid as a fine, and of course, close the site forever,

Furthermore, the parents and the educational centres must check on children’s internet access, and from their own smart devices, cancel certain web pages that are still available for adults. For example, last week one of my cousins watched a YouTube video about animal violence from a human being, and as a result my cousin spent a whole day crying, thinking of his dog. That is why it must have been his parents who should let him only use YouTube Kids, and avoid hurting his feelings.

In conclusion, the state should establish clear laws to ban certain online platforms, and there may be many restrictions to start applying.

Word Count: 257

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

there: 4

online: 4

should: 3

government: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples, although the development of these ideas could be more precise and focused. To improve, consider elaborating further on the potential limitations or negative consequences of government control, and explore alternative solutions or a more nuanced approach to internet safety.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the organization could be improved for better flow. Consider using more varied transition words and phrases to connect ideas within and between paragraphs. For example, in the second paragraph, you could elaborate further on the government's role before introducing the specific example. In the third paragraph, the connection between parental control and the overall argument could be strengthened.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates an adequate range of vocabulary, but there's room for improvement in using more precise and sophisticated language. For instance, instead of 'destructive information,' consider using terms like 'harmful content' or 'malicious information.' Also, try to vary your word choice to avoid repetition, such as finding alternatives for 'government' and 'internet' where appropriate.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors occasionally impede clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage (e.g., 'a enormous amount'), and correct spelling (e.g., 'enormous'). Review and correct these errors to enhance the overall grammatical accuracy and ensure smoother readability.

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