Discussion

Band 4+: Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Parts of the individuals argues that all lawbreakers deserves to be in prison, while others think that those who do minor crimes does not, as there are better alternatives such as making them do work for the local community. Personally, i agree with the second sentiment, as it allows them to self reflect by helping out the local community.

Disregarding it’s type of crimes, all lawbreakers who are sent to the prison can teach discipline and give fear to residents of doing crimes, resulting in a good outcome. For instance, North Korea, seems to be the most terifying country in conjuction of it’s strict and straight forward regulations in their country, one small wrong move can result in prison. Hence, those citizens will automatically obey and is scared to break the laws.

By offering different consequences for those who do minor crimes, such as making them do work for the local community allows them to self reflect themselves. Helping out for the community, boosts it’s ability to understand the outside world, forcing them to understand the examples of good actions and realizing their bad actions For instance, if it is a local community in foster houses, they can learn how to do good deeds to one another. Helping do the dishes and laundries while enjoying each other’s company is more beneficial and effective rather than being sent to prison.

To sum up, those who are sent to prison teaches individuals about being discipline and obedience, while those who help the local community are able to self-reflect, where individuals are taught to change for a better person.

Word Count: 266

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

those: 5

local: 5

community: 5

prison: 4

crimes: 4

individuals: 3

while: 3

helping: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear personal opinion, which meets the main requirements of the task. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks precision. The first body paragraph attempts to support the view that prison teaches discipline, but the example of North Korea is not clearly explained or fully relevant. The second body paragraph better develops the alternative view, but the supporting example could be more specific and logically connected. To improve, ensure each main idea is fully extended with clear, relevant examples and logical reasoning. Also, avoid grammatical errors and informal phrasing (e.g., 'Parts of the individuals argues', 'i agree'). A more structured conclusion that summarises both views and restates your opinion would strengthen the response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. However, the flow is disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second is abrupt. The conclusion attempts to summarize but lacks a clear restatement of your opinion. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'on the one hand', 'in contrast') and ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that links back to the main argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and often used incorrectly or inappropriately. For instance, 'terifying' (terrifying), 'conjuction' (conjunction), and 'straight forward regulations' are awkward. There is some attempt at variety (e.g., 'self reflect', 'discipline and obedience'), but the range is narrow and errors reduce clarity. To improve, expand your vocabulary with precise terms related to crime and punishment (e.g., 'deterrence', 'rehabilitation', 'community service') and practice using them in context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains frequent grammatical errors, including subject-verb agreement ('Parts of the individuals argues'), incorrect verb forms ('deserves', 'does not'), and punctuation issues (missing periods, incorrect capitalization). Sentence structures are mostly simple or repetitive. To improve, focus on basic grammar rules, such as subject-verb agreement and tense consistency, and practice using a mix of simple and complex sentences with correct punctuation.

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Band 4+: Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into/sent to prison, while others believe that better tanlents among those should be made to work. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many people who drop out of school are more successful than those who complete their studies. Why does this happen? What does it require to be successful?

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