Opinion

Band 5+: Some people think government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease.

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Nowadays, many people believe that governments should give more attention pollution and improving housing conditions ,

On the one hand, that pollution has a strong impact on people health, for example, air pollution from cars and factories couses problems such as asthma. If the government invests in public transport and renawable energy. During the COVID-19 pandemic, it was also found that people living in pollution areas ware more likely to suffer from breathing problems and get sick faster.

On the other hand, many people live in poor conditions where there is not enough clean water . This situation often causes infections and stress. For example , in some countries, new housing projects have helped reduce the number of people getting sick due to bad living conditions.

In conclusion , even though there are many areas that need government attention, I strongly believe that reducing pollution and improving housing should be the main priorities. These improvements can make life healthier and more comfortable for everyone.

Word Count: 164

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

pollution: 5

housing: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position. The ideas are relevant, but there could be more focus and precision in supporting them. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the connections between pollution/housing and health outcomes. Also, ensure consistent and accurate grammar throughout the essay. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connection between sentences within paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions between ideas are present but could be more explicit to guide the reader more effectively. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your writing.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses vocabulary that is generally appropriate to the topic, but there's room to enhance the range and precision of word choice. Try to incorporate more specific and less common vocabulary to express your ideas with greater nuance. For example, instead of 'strong impact,' consider using more descriptive phrases like 'detrimental effect' or 'significant repercussions.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains grammatical errors that occasionally impede understanding. There are issues with verb tense consistency, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. While a variety of sentence structures are attempted, accuracy needs improvement. Focus on proofreading carefully to identify and correct these errors. For example, 'couses' should be 'causes' and 'ware' should be 'were'.

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