Discussion

Band 5+: Some people think that the main purpose of school and university education should be to perpare people for work.Others,however, think that the true role of education is to make us better citizens. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

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Currently, some people believe that the main goal of studying is to prepare for work, while others think that education has wide range of positive impacts for individuals and society. In my opinion, it depends on person and person’s goals.

On the one hand, education can offer many types of work and jobs. If students study with high band scores, they tend to work in high-quality jobs, such as a doctor, lawyer, engineer and others. In this case, many people are prone to studying and take high scores on tests, because their main purpose is to become a successful worker in the future. For example, at present, many students learn a lot and they just want to prepare for their future jobs. Additionally, education can help people to find organized occupation and to not struggle during the work.

On the other hand, education has a variety of benefits for both individuals and society. Education is the best thing in people’s lives, because it helps people make their life easier and achieve their main goal. For instance, overall, the large number of clever and intelligent individuals are successful rather than those who do not have advanced education. Education is not a temporary thing, it helps people everywhere and at every stage of life. Furthermore, people who have high-quality knowledge do not struggle to communicate with others and even abroad. Finally, education provides a successful and effortless life.

In conclusion, while some think that the main purpose of education is to prepare people for work or that it has many different positive benefits for individuals and society, I believe that it depends on the person and how people use education in their lives. Education makes an individual’s life meaningful and can offer many opportunities in different spheres.

Word Count: 295

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

education: 11

people: 8

their: 5

individuals: 4

prepare: 3

others: 3

society: 3

successful: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a discernible position. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and repetitive. In the first body paragraph, the argument that education prepares people for work is presented, but it tends to circle around the idea of 'high scores' and 'high-quality jobs' without deeply exploring *how* or *why* the primary function of the educational system is vocational training. In the second body paragraph, the ideas regarding the broader benefits are quite vague; terms like 'makes life easier' or 'effortless life' are somewhat imprecise and lack the depth required for a higher score. To improve, try to extend your arguments with more specific examples. For instance, when discussing the broader benefits to society, you could mention how education fosters civic responsibility, critical thinking, or social cohesion. When discussing the vocational aspect, you could mention the economic necessity of a skilled workforce. Additionally, aim to avoid repetitive phrasing and ensure that each sentence adds a new layer of meaning to your argument rather than restating the previous point.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. You use transition signals like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' effectively. However, some ideas within the paragraphs feel slightly repetitive or lack deep development. To improve, try to connect your ideas more logically using a wider variety of cohesive devices and ensure that each sentence builds upon the previous one to create a smoother flow of thought.

Lexical Resource

You have used an adequate range of vocabulary to discuss the topic (e.g., 'organized occupation', 'intelligent individuals', 'different spheres'). However, there is some repetition of words like 'people', 'education', and 'successful'. To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise synonyms and collocations. For example, instead of saying 'high-quality jobs', you could use 'lucrative careers' or 'specialized professions'. Avoid overly simplistic phrasing like 'the best thing in people's lives'. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that occasionally hinder clarity. Issues include article usage (e.g., 'depends on person' should be 'depends on the person'), subject-verb agreement, and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'to not struggle during the work'). Work on mastering articles, prepositions, and more natural sentence constructions. Increasing your control over complex grammatical structures will significantly improve your score.

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