Discussion

Band 5+: SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THE MEDIA SHOULD AVOID REPORTING DETAILS OF CRIME IN ORDER TO REDUCE FEAR IN SOCIETY, WHILE OTHERS BELIEVE THAT FULL TRANSPARENCY IS NECESSARY FOR PUBLIC AWARENESS AND SAFETY. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINION.

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Nowadays media plays huge role in peoples life, because of that some individuals think that media should not post all details of crimes as if it can have harmful effect on many viewers. However there is another group of people who consider that all details about crimes should be published because society has all rights to know all of them.From my point of view, media should publish all available information about crimes, although they should put warning for those who are being easly influenced.

On one hand, media should realize that there are a lot of sensitive people, who are getting easily influenced by watching or hearing some brutal details about crimes. This kind of people might have seriouse issues with fear after hearing or reading some details about a crime. For example, after reading medais post about a serial killer or just a crimial, some individuals might be scared of going out or staying home alone, even in worst cases they might gain mental problems. That is why some people believe that media should filter their posts or not post detailed facts at all.

On another hand, without knowing all details, society might not understand the seriosnes of situation and sometimes even protest to soften the sentence of offender. For example, there are a lot of cases where not all details were presented to society due to that, after the court where the criminal got life sentence people started to protest to soften the offenders verdict. Another reason is that there are many people who are realy into criminal, and they are eagred to know all the facts and details about crimes despite the brutality. For this reasons many people think that media should post all facts about crimes, however the only solution for this issue is to put warning in first page or in first seconds of video for sensitive people so that they will have time to skip if that kind of content is too much for them to handle.

In conclusion, media should understand that not all people can handle all cruelty of crimes that are being commited because of that they should at list worn people about the content they are going to read or watch.

Word Count: 371

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 10

should: 9

about: 8

media: 7

details: 7

crimes: 7

there: 4

might: 4

because: 3

another: 3

society: 3

after: 3

facts: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position. The main parts of the prompt are appropriately covered. However, there is a lack of precision and development in supporting ideas. For example, the discussion of the first view could be more focused on the societal harm rather than just individual fear. Additionally, the essay would benefit from more specific examples and clearer paragraph structure. To improve, ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that arguments are fully extended with relevant support.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing both views, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear linking between ideas. For example, the shift from discussing sensitive people to the public's right to know could be smoother. Using more cohesive devices (e.g., 'on the one hand... on the other hand', 'furthermore', 'in contrast') would improve readability. Paragraphing is generally logical, but the second body paragraph could be split to separate the two reasons more clearly.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but limited and sometimes imprecise. There are several spelling errors (e.g., 'seriouse', 'crimial', 'seriosnes', 'eagred', 'commited', 'worn') and awkward phrases (e.g., 'being easly influenced', 'realy into criminal'). The range of vocabulary is not wide, and there is a reliance on basic words. To improve, use more specific and varied terms (e.g., 'vulnerable individuals' instead of 'sensitive people', 'disseminate information' instead of 'post'). Also, ensure correct word forms (e.g., 'seriousness' instead of 'seriosnes'). Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. These include missing articles (e.g., 'plays huge role' should be 'plays a huge role'), incorrect verb forms (e.g., 'if it can have' should be 'as it can have'), and run-on sentences (e.g., 'However there is another group...'). Punctuation is inconsistent, with missing commas after introductory phrases (e.g., 'On one hand,'). Sentence structures are mostly simple, with limited use of complex sentences. To improve, practice using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences, and proofread for common errors like subject-verb agreement and tense consistency.

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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