Discussion

Band 5+: Technological advancements have led to increased automation in various industries. Some believe this will ultimately lead to widespread unemployment and societal disruption, while others argue it will create new opportunities and improve our quality of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

It is true that the improvment of technology is widely replacing people’s job in vary industries. Some people hold the view that this trend will give rise to an increasingly number of unemployment, whereas others argue that it can bring different kinds of opportunities and improve our living situation. In my opinion, I agree with the latter viewpoint.

Automation might leads to widespread unemployment and some social issues. One main reason is that machine sometimes have the ability of doing what humans cannot do. For example, human bodies cannot afford carring too much weight, while the machine can lift a large amount of weight. Moreover, the increasing number of no-staff stores are poping out. Those stores might leads to the wildespread employment since shops and stores are no longer need human staff.

However, I still believe that Automation and the improving technology can have positive effect to the society. First of all, it can assist our basic needs especially for the elder and the physical disability individuals. For example, apartments nowadays have installed elevators in order to help not only the elder but also people who cannot climb too much stairs. Last but not least, the highly development of technology could higher the education level. Individuals are living a more convenient life than ever. We can use our spear time to do more research and study instead of worring about the daily living situation.

In conclusion, I believe that automation could be a social issue that everyone should be aware of, while we should still support improving technology for a batter living situation.

Word Count: 263

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

technology: 4

living: 4

cannot: 3

stores: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt by discussing both the potential for unemployment and the potential benefits of automation, while providing a clear personal opinion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited. For instance, the argument regarding 'new opportunities' is not explicitly developed; instead, the essay focuses on how technology assists with basic needs and education, which is slightly tangential to the concept of 'job opportunities.' To improve, ensure that when discussing 'new opportunities,' you specifically mention the creation of new job sectors (e.g., tech maintenance, software development) to directly counter the unemployment argument. Additionally, try to expand on the 'social problems' aspect to provide a more balanced discussion. Strengthening the logical link between automation and the specific benefits mentioned would also enhance the depth of your response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs addressing both sides of the argument, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes interrupted by awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using more sophisticated cohesive devices (e.g., 'Consequently,' 'In contrast,' 'Furthermore') rather than relying on basic transitions like 'First of all' and 'Last but not least.' Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that guides the reader through your logic.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey the main ideas, but there is a limited range of lexical items, and several words are used incorrectly or are misspelled (e.g., 'improvment', 'vary industries', 'poping out', 'spear time', 'batter'). There is also a tendency to repeat certain words like 'machine' and 'technology.' To reach a higher band, aim to use more precise academic collocations and synonyms. For example, instead of 'doing what humans cannot do,' you could use 'performing tasks beyond human capability.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and occasionally impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'Automation might leads'), pluralization (e.g., 'increasingly number of unemployment'), and word forms (e.g., 'highly development' instead of 'highly developed'). Additionally, there are errors in preposition usage and sentence structure. I recommend reviewing basic grammar rules regarding verb tenses, singular/plural nouns, and the distinction between adjectives and adverbs to ensure greater accuracy in your writing.

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