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Band 5+: The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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There is no denying the fact that money is an essential requirement to live a decent life. While it is a commonly held belief that financial help for retirees is the government responsibility, there is also an argument that workers should save money to benefit themselve at elderly ages. This essay will analyze this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.

On one hand, laws that save employees right should implemented by government. In other words, to give a limit to greedy organizations and stop them from taking weak workers money, therefore strict regulations are the optimal solution for this situation.In addition, many governments are have a huge bedget and abile to provide salary to retired people. For example, country with small population number and a significant income must help their old citizens, especially when they are in need.

On the other hand, all people must back up plan for the future to aviod any severe circumstances. It is also possible to say that raising awareness among public about a necessary saving is essentail for life. Moreover, being independent individual financialy is the primary goal for smart people. For instance, welling to buy anything you want without waiting for anyone to provide you with that money is a big pleasent.

In conclusion, there are no easy answers to this question. On balance, however, I tend to believe that saving money is an intellagent dicussion and a wenderfull habit to person to do, so employees must think wisely about thier future.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

money: 5

there: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both sides of the argument and presents a clear personal opinion in the conclusion. However, the development of ideas is somewhat limited and lacks depth. For instance, the first body paragraph discusses protecting workers from 'greedy organizations,' which is a slightly tangential point to the core issue of whether the government should provide retirement support. The second body paragraph focuses on the psychological benefits of independence rather than the practical necessity of personal savings. To improve, ensure that every supporting point directly relates to the central theme of financial responsibility for the elderly. Aim to extend your arguments by explaining 'why' or 'how' a certain measure works, rather than just stating that it is a good idea. Additionally, while Task Response is the focus here, improving grammatical accuracy and spelling will help ensure your ideas are communicated more clearly.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs is sometimes abrupt. To improve, ensure that each sentence flows logically into the next using a wider variety of cohesive devices. Some transitions, such as 'In other words,' are used, but the connection between the idea of 'protecting employee rights' and 'government providing for retirees' is somewhat weak and needs clearer logical bridging.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is sufficient to convey basic ideas, but there are frequent errors in spelling (e.g., 'bedget', 'abile', 'aviod', 'essentail', 'financialy', 'welling', 'pleasent', 'intellagent', 'wenderfull', 'thier') and word formation. There is also some awkward phrasing, such as 'benefit themselve at elderly ages' and 'a big pleasent'. To improve, focus on learning correct spelling and practicing collocations to ensure words are used in a natural context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates an attempt to use complex structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impede communication. Issues include subject-verb agreement ('governments are have'), missing verbs ('right should implemented'), and incorrect noun usage ('small population number'). There are also issues with article usage and prepositional accuracy. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures, verb tenses, and the use of passive voice, which would be very useful for this type of essay.

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Band 5+: The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Essays On The Same Topic:

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The government should be responsible for providing retirees with financial support and care. While many people think that citizens should save money to take care of themselves when they are old. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The global demand for oil and gas is increasing. Some believe that we should therefore encourage the exploitation of remote areas. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

All children should study a foreign language in school starting in the earliest grades. To what extent do you agree or dis agree with this statement?

In many workplaces, creativity and imagination are becoming more valued then technical expertise. Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative development?

Check Your Own Essay On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample With Your Idea?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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