Opinion

Band 6+: The spread of urban areas has led to deforestation and has caused many animal species to become endangered. Environmental groups are urging governments to protect these animals. What are the benefits of protecting animals? What can governments do to protect animals

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The alarming growth of deforestation has caused environmental threats to the habitat of the animals that require the government’s initiative. Animals play a very crucial role in balancing the ecosystem. In terms of food and survival, we cannot undermine the contribution of the animal kingdom and its surrounding greeneries. Therefore, the government should intensify the laws that protects the animals and forest and address the benefits of protecting our source of survival. This essay will address the benefits of strict implementation of animal rights to combat deforestation which is only possible through government’s intervention.

Initially, the impact of protecting the habitat of the animals will benefit the overall well-being and survival of the humanity. The correlation of the animals and mankind are essential in making this planet liveable and sustainable. Moreover, The government’s initiative and advocacies that protects animals and plant life are important to strengthen the moral values of the humanity. The environmental awareness will secure the safety net of the animals without compromising the valuable space of mankind. Additionally, It is important to ratify the existing laws concerning the possible animal breed extinction and the increasing deforestation. In the field of Biology. Humans and animals should co exist with one another. The suffering of either one of the living things that co exist in this planet will greatly affect the quality of human life itself.

In conclusion, the essence of strengthening the animal rights will protect the future of all living creatures to experience a healthy and happy life. The government’s intervention is the key for future transformation and environmental sustainability.

Word Count: 263

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

animals: 8

government's: 4

animal: 4

deforestation: 3

environmental: 3

survival: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position on the benefits of protecting animals and the role of government. However, the ideas lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to support your points. Focus on elaborating the benefits of protecting animals and the concrete actions governments can take.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates an attempt to organize ideas into paragraphs, but the connections between sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Transitions are somewhat limited, and the flow of ideas is not always seamless. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to improve the logical progression of your arguments. For example, in the first paragraph, the connection between the opening statement about deforestation and the role of animals in the ecosystem could be made more explicit. In the second paragraph, clarify how government initiatives strengthen moral values.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are not entirely accurate or natural ('alarming growth of deforestation,' 'source of survival'). There are also instances of slightly awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on using more precise vocabulary and idiomatic expressions. For example, instead of 'alarming growth of deforestation,' consider 'rapid expansion of urban areas leading to deforestation.' Pay attention to collocations and try to incorporate more sophisticated vocabulary relevant to environmental issues.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are noticeable grammatical errors that affect clarity. Errors include issues with subject-verb agreement ('laws that protects'), article usage, and sentence construction. To improve, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay particular attention to identifying and correcting common errors in your writing. Also, ensure that punctuation is accurate to enhance readability.

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Band 6+: The spread of urban areas has led to deforestation and has caused many animal species to become endangered. Environmental groups are urging governments to protect these animals. What are the benefits of protecting animals? What can governments do to protect animals

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Other Topics:

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this idea?

In some countries around the world, men and women tend to have their children later in life. Why is this happening? What are the effects on society and family life?

More houses are needed in many countries to cope with increasing populations. Would it be better to build houses in existing town and cities, or to develop new towns in rural areas?

Some educationalists think that international exchange visits will benefit teenagers at the school. To what extent do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many countries, people are choosing to have fewer children or no children at all. What are the reasons for this trend, and what effects does it have on society?

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