Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 6+: The use of social media is replacing face-to-face interaction among many people in society. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? You should write at least 250 word

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In this ever-increasing digital contemporary, the surfing of online social media is a norm to all levels of people. In this essay, both the pros and cons of utilizing social media instead of physcial interpersonal relationships will be scrutinized with related examples from my honest perspective.

On the one hand, digital broadcasting media platforms have brought innumerable benefits to all four corners of the world. Initially, especially in remore areas, rural citizens can get knowledge of their personal interests such as culinary skills, language improvement by watching videos from Youtube or Tiktoks. Therefore, these vulnerable villagers are not necessary to travel to distant locations, and it could save additional costs like transportation charges, and housing allowances. Social media has been a boon to many young entrepreneurs who perform as content creators with affordable and multifunctional gadgets on Facebook or Instagrams. Some youngsters have been becoming famous social influencers like global stardoms and are able to earn substantial mounts of income by getting audience around the world.

In spite of these advantages, on the other hand, there are multifarous negatice effects associated with this issue. The effect of online virtual communications , for example, chatting on Facebook Messenger, cuases worsening the interpersonal relationships without having a sense of physical emotions or facial expressions. Nowadays, children have lessened engaging in playful activities amoung their friends as they would like to surf the Internet most of the time. Additionally, the senior citizens have less chances in societal communications, arguing about personal or political topics. Most importantly, there have been occuring less and less patients who visit doctors becasuse they treat their health problems by streaming similar health-related posts from social media. These cases might be convenient for minor health problems but for major health issues, consulting with licensed professional doctors are indispensable for proper diagnosis.

To recap, I personally agree with the point of view that upsides of social media outweigh the downsides as the tendency to use social media as a primary measure to communicate generally brings more significant benefits than harms to every individual and community.

Word Count: 345

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

social: 7

media: 7

their: 3

these: 3

health: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. The ideas are relevant and the development is generally good. However, there is a slight lack of focus in the first body paragraph; while the benefits of social media (learning and entrepreneurship) are well-explained, they do not directly address the specific aspect of 'replacing face-to-face interaction' mentioned in the prompt. Instead, they focus on the benefits of social media in general. To improve, ensure that every supporting point directly relates back to the core tension of the prompt - the shift from physical to digital interaction. Additionally, refining the logical connection between the examples and the central argument would strengthen the overall coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs representing opposing views, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas is sometimes hindered by awkward phrasing. While you use cohesive devices (e.g., 'On the one hand', 'In spite of these advantages', 'To recap'), some transitions feel a bit mechanical. To improve, focus on smoother transitions between sentences within paragraphs to ensure the logic flows naturally rather than just listing points.

Lexical Resource

You attempt to use a wide range of vocabulary (e.g., 'innumerable benefits', 'multifarious', 'indispensable'), which shows good ambition. However, there are several instances of word choice errors and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'remore', 'stardoms', 'mounts of income', 'digital contemporary') that occasionally distract the reader. Aim for more precision in your word choices; for example, instead of 'digital contemporary', use 'digital era'. Ensure that collocations (words that naturally go together) are used correctly.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors are frequent and sometimes impact clarity. Issues include subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'consulting... are indispensable'), incorrect word forms (e.g., 'lessened engaging'), and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'the surfing of online social media is a norm to all levels of people'). To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures and proofreading for agreement and tense consistency. Reducing the frequency of errors in complex sentences will help elevate your score.

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