Cause And Solution

Band 5+: There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher. What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In the contemporary world, there has been some evidence that climate changes are apparently increased by human activities. This essay will explain several causes and solution to cope with this problem.

Regarding the causes, the prominant reason behind the problem is the change in lifestyle of individuals. Obviously, people are living in the digital society around, for example, air conditioner, refridgerator which contain the large of carbon dioxide in the environment. Meanwhile, with the large of pollutant, the trees muust have been working harder to give the oxygen in to the environment. However, the utilization of timber industry is likely to grow drammatically, people tend to use many products that produced by wood. As a result, the carbon dioxide in the atmostphere become higher which lead to the rising in temperature.

Covering the solution, there are some of prevelant solutions that can help the atmosphere in the air fresher. Initially, the government should increase the rise of electricity per hours, which make individuals reduce usage time in digital detox. Furthermore, the necessity in propagate people to use the electricy reasonably not only support them to save their money, but also help the government to reduce the pressure and temperature in the air.

In conclusion, although this is one of the biggest issue that need to deal with in the long term, it can be done with some reality solutions that can make the air more fresher.

Word Count: 236

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position and offering some relevant ideas. However, the clarity of these ideas could be improved with more specific examples and a more focused approach. To improve, provide more concrete examples to support your points and ensure a clearer connection between the causes and solutions you propose. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. Paragraphing is present, but could be used more effectively to separate distinct points. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are sometimes weak, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. For example, the connection between the timber industry and rising temperatures could be explained more clearly. To improve coherence, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and use clear transition words and phrases to link ideas together.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies in word choice ('prominant', 'large of carbon dioxide', 'muust', 'drammatically', 'prevelant', 'propagate', 'electricy', 'reality'). There are also instances of imprecise language and awkward phrasing. To improve lexical resource, focus on expanding your vocabulary and using more precise and varied language. Pay attention to collocations and use a dictionary or thesaurus to find alternative ways to express your ideas.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and problems with articles and prepositions. Sentence structure is often awkward and unclear. For example, the sentence 'Meanwhile, with the large of pollutant, the trees muust have been working harder to give the oxygen in to the environment' is grammatically incorrect and difficult to understand. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review your work carefully for errors and consider seeking feedback from a native English speaker or language tutor.

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