Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 6+: With the increasing demand for energy sources of oil and gas, people should look for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of damaging such areas?

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In recent years, there has been an increasing demand for energy sources such as oil and gas. Although exploring untouched areas may improve energy security and economic growth, I believe the disadvantages far outweigh the advantages.

On the one hand, the first significant merit of looking for sources of oil and gas in remote and untouched places can be attributed to the fact that the governments want to satisfy the demand for sources of energy. In reality, some regions don’t have enough energy to maintain life. For example, gas and oil are very important for people’s lives, especially their daily life routine like cooking. Therefore, if the governments conduct further research for energy resources in other regions, they will create jobs for people who are unemployed, reducing employment.

By contrast, there are several drawbacks of this problem. First of all, the main drawback of finding new sources of energy in untouched areas is it causes irreversible damage to ecosystems and biodiversity. Resource extraction affects a wide range of animals, a few animals become extinct in this way. Furthermore, areas that have lots of sources of energy, possibly forests and jungles. For instance, if people extract resources, they will cut down many trees to proceed with their plan. Another downside of searching resources possibly lies in increased greenhouse gas emissions contributing to climate change. More fossil fuels are burned in transportation, manufacturing, and electricity. Larger amounts of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gases are released into the atmosphere. These gases can heat up more and more day by day. Certainly, people will face increasing global warming in the further future. As a result, the consequences of this problem have long-lasting effects not only on the economy but also on people’s lives.

All in all, although finding sources of energy such as gas and oil in remote areas brings energy and economic benefits, there are some negative aspects that should be taken into consideration, such as affecting the environment and global warming. Therefore, the disadvantages of this development outweigh the advantages.

Word Count: 339

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

energy: 9

sources: 6

areas: 4

there: 3

untouched: 3

resources: 3

people: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay appropriately addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a clear position that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. The ideas are relevant, with some development and support, such as the mention of ecosystem damage and greenhouse gas emissions. However, the supporting ideas could be more precise and focused. For example, the advantage about creating jobs is mentioned but not fully developed or clearly linked to the demand for energy. Additionally, the essay would benefit from more specific examples or evidence to strengthen the arguments. To improve, ensure each main idea is fully extended and avoid vague statements like 'a few animals become extinct' without elaboration. The conclusion effectively restates the position, but the overall development could be more balanced and detailed.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The main ideas are presented, and the argument is easy to follow. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes repetitive or slightly awkward (e.g., 'On the one hand... By contrast...'). The connection between some sentences could be smoother, and the paragraphing, while present, could be more skillfully managed to improve the flow of ideas.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary to discuss the topic, including some good phrases like 'irreversible damage to ecosystems' and 'greenhouse gas emissions'. However, there is some repetition (e.g., 'sources of energy' used multiple times) and occasional imprecise word choices (e.g., 'reducing employment' instead of 'reducing unemployment'). The vocabulary is generally adequate but lacks the sophistication and flexibility of a higher band score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity. Examples include 'a few animals become extinct in this way' (tense inconsistency), 'areas that have lots of sources of energy, possibly forests and jungles' (incomplete sentence), and 'people will face increasing global warming in the further future' (incorrect phrasing). Punctuation is generally okay, but the errors are frequent enough to impact the overall accuracy and range.

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