Discussion

Band 4+: Write about the following topic. Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

First of all there are pro and contra of being a famous people. They can choose to be more privately in their life with money or with their awereness

For me as a not famous person i can see that every famous people are created because of they choose to be famous. Some of them have choose to be famous because they think being famous will have a lot of money and offering job. Nowadays we can see everthing on social media and they use that platform as an adventages of making money. They already choose for being famous everyone know their name and they have a lot of money. Indeed, it such an easy money to get. But sad is they have to be good in front of the camera and media or everyone will hates them. In my opinion that is not media fault. Media just display and provide the information and entertainment for people. That the function of media is. As we know once the famous people that we called influencers or artists getting famous, they can not back to have a normal private life like before. Everything they did camera will always watching them. So, what for all the money if we can not have our private quite life? back again it is all their choice.

For example, when we got COVID-19 virus on 2020, everyone just stayed at home doing nothing and boring. Social media just the only one entertainment for us. Everyone start using social media to posted about their daily life and some of them getting famous until now, get a lot of money and they feel delightful. But some people just doing their daily activities without posting anything and still keep their private life and also have a wonderful life. That is all about choice

Word Count: 303

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

famous: 10

their: 7

money: 7

media: 7

people: 5

choose: 4

everyone: 4

being: 3

social: 3

private: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the topic but the development of ideas is limited and lacks clarity. The position is present but not always clear. To improve, focus on developing your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations. Ensure a clearer and more consistent position throughout the essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. Ideas are presented in a somewhat disjointed manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. Paragraphing is present but not always effective in grouping related ideas. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are weak or missing, hindering the overall coherence. To improve, focus on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph, and employ transition words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with some inaccuracies in word choice and usage. There is a reliance on simple words and phrases, which restricts the ability to express complex ideas effectively. Some words are used inappropriately or in a non-idiomatic way. To enhance your lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic. Focus on learning synonyms and collocations to express your ideas more precisely and naturally. Pay attention to the correct usage of words in context. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in sentence structure, verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. These errors frequently impede understanding and detract from the overall clarity of the writing. The range of grammatical structures used is limited, and there is a lack of control over more complex sentence constructions. To improve your grammatical accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to common errors and work on correcting them through targeted exercises. Consider seeking feedback from a teacher or tutor to identify and address specific areas of weakness.

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