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Band 4+: Write about the following topic: It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.

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Note: Both the topic and the essay were created by one of our users.

In this modern world, majority of the indviduals prefer to shop from online stores also from the huge supermarkets which offers various kinds of goods rather than the small local shops which has a deeper bad effect on low end shopkeepers also between the relationship between local communities. In this essay we will discuss the effects and what measures should be taken to overcome this issue.

It is a fact that mostly local shops are built nearby the residential places of the local public due to this not every shop has every kind of goods or variety of the things because of high amount of taxes. While the supermarkets and online shopping stores offers various kinds of variety and large amount of different product on a single store due to which people prefer to go the supermarkets and buy vast amount of goods from online shopping stores. Therefore, the relationship between the local communities has also been affected.

To cope with this situation the government should provide different types of resources for the local shops. Moreover, government reduce high taxes which could help the local shop keepers to provide as much products as they could to local residents which will build a strong relationship with local communities. In addition to this the local shops should improve their marketing technique also they should introduce apps and websites for the public which a very convenient way of shopping. By doing such measures, this will lead to better environment between the local communities.

To infer, supermarkets and online shops has affected the relationship between the local communities. However, it could be resolve by taking some actions

Word Count: 273

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

local: 12

which: 6

shops: 5

between: 5

online: 4

supermarkets: 4

relationship: 4

communities: 4

should: 4

stores: 3

goods: 3

amount: 3

shopping: 3

could: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt, presenting a position on the effects of competition on local shops and suggesting solutions. However, the ideas lack clarity and depth in development. For improvement, focus on providing more specific examples and elaborating on the reasoning behind your suggestions. Strengthen the connection between the problems, effects, and proposed solutions for a more cohesive and persuasive argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay's organization is somewhat clear, but the progression of ideas could be smoother. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the connection between paragraphs needs improvement. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore,' 'In contrast,' or 'As a result' can help to clarify the relationships between your ideas. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea to enhance clarity.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks the precision needed to express complex ideas effectively. There's a noticeable repetition of words and phrases, which can make the essay sound monotonous. To improve, try to incorporate a wider range of vocabulary related to the topic. Use a thesaurus to find synonyms for frequently used words, but be careful to ensure that the synonyms fit the context appropriately. Focus on learning and using more specific and nuanced vocabulary to convey your ideas with greater accuracy. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains several grammatical errors that impede understanding. Sentence structure is often awkward, and there are issues with verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and sentence structures. Practice writing simple sentences and gradually progress to more complex constructions as your confidence grows. Review your work carefully for errors, paying particular attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. Consider using online grammar checkers or seeking feedback from a teacher or tutor to identify and correct recurring errors.

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