Opinion

Band 4+: Your prompt: In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.

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In recent days due to excellent health service and qualit living standard in majority of countries people are living longer longer than in they were on past, Many people argue that is benefical for society but other said that this will create problem for the government. While focusing on positive side it heighlights the standard of excellent health service fascilities of country is offering to its public further more work experience of elderly age people in associated sector is benefical for upcoming generation. On talking about negative perspective, elderly age people are physically weak due to this reason unable take care and feed themselves, so government need to spend huge amount of budget for taking care of such elderly age people.

Eventhough offering stanard health service to its public is very much expensive due heavy investment essential on research and development sector inaddition to pay high salary to doctors. Those country who manage it successfully having majority of public living longer than ever before. Now they are benefiting the society bhy sharing their valuable experince in their associated working field or experince of living life to youth generation, Similarly their experience in working field and of life is source of inspiration to youth generation. To illustrate Singapore is one of the country in the world where people are living longer then ever in recent days becaue of it whole world regard their healthservice fascility ofne of the excellent health service in the world and now many very important personalities especially from Asia visiting here for their regular health check up, now health sector is one of the most revenue generating sector for Singapore.

With growing age elderly age person are physically weak and unable work for feeding them selves for day and night and huge expenditure on their routine health check up is also needed. So government need to aside huge amount of expenditure for their survival and regular health check up. For instance Japan is an Asian country where 80% of world population crossing 100 years are now living and for taking care of them Japanses government is spending 5% of their annual budget on taking care of them each year.

In maximum numbers of countries in the world now people are living longer than ever before in rencent days. On one side it stands as testimony for whole world as quality of health service country is offering to its public. On another side government need to aside huge amount from its budget to take care of such elderly aged people.

Word Count: 422

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

health: 9

their: 8

living: 7

people: 7

world: 6

service: 5

longer: 5

government: 5

country: 5

elderly: 5

public: 4

sector: 4

excellent: 3

offering: 3

generation: 3

amount: 3

budget: 3

taking: 3

check: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position: that an ageing population is both a testament to good healthcare and a financial burden on the state. The main ideas are relevant, and the use of specific examples (Singapore and Japan) helps to support the arguments. However, the development of ideas is somewhat repetitive, as the same points regarding healthcare costs and the value of experience are restated multiple times across different paragraphs. To improve, the writer should focus on expanding the depth of the arguments rather than repeating them. For example, instead of repeating that the elderly are physically weak, the writer could explore the economic implications of a shrinking workforce or the social benefits of elderly people in community roles. Additionally, improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure would help ensure that the ideas are communicated more clearly and professionally.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay struggles with logical progression and organization. While you attempt to use cohesive devices (e.g., 'On talking about negative perspective', 'Similarly', 'To illustrate'), they are often used incorrectly or do not help the flow of ideas. The paragraphing is somewhat functional, but the internal structure of paragraphs is repetitive. To improve, focus on a clear essay structure: an introduction that paraphrases the prompt, one paragraph for the benefits, one paragraph for the drawbacks, and a conclusion. Avoid repeating the same ideas (like the cost of healthcare) in multiple places without adding new depth.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is limited and contains frequent errors in spelling and word formation (e.g., 'qualit', 'heighlights', 'fascilities', 'inaddition', 'bhy', 'experince', 'rencent'). There is also significant repetition of certain phrases such as 'elderly age people' and 'huge amount of budget'. To improve, work on expanding your range of synonyms to avoid repetition and practice the correct spelling of common academic words. Try to use more precise collocations instead of repetitive phrasing. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Grammatical errors are frequent and often impede the reader's understanding. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, sentence fragments, and incorrect preposition usage (e.g., 'longer than in they were on past'). Many sentences are run-on sentences or lack proper punctuation to separate distinct ideas. To improve, focus on mastering basic sentence structures (Simple, Compound, and Complex) and ensure that every sentence has a clear subject and verb. Pay close attention to article usage and tense consistency.

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