Letter

Band 5+: You are planning a team-building event for your department at work and need to make arrangements with a local adventure company. Write a letter to the adventure company outlining your needs and requesting information. You should include details about: -the number of participants and their preferences -possible dates and times for the event -catering options and costs involved.

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The HR Manager,

Al-Noor company

Faisalabad,

Respected sir/madam,

Hope you are doing well. I am the Health manager at Govt. Dispensary Amin Town.I have a plan to arrange a mini party for my employees to build there team work abilities.So, I decided to book arrangements at your company. I heard your dedications and services for your customers are well developed. So I want to book your avaneu for twenty participants with ten males, five females, and other youngers.Moreover, I decide to compile it on first coming Sunday of September ( dated 12 -09-2025).Furthermore, the event would continue for five hours, moreover, very first hour we make greetings andrecieve our seniors and other hospitals management staff. On the other hand, in the next hour we make presentations from other management staff and I request you to serve tea and coffee without sugar for all employees. Moreover, I appreciate it if you will provide some blank papers and ballpoints on each seat.Afterward, at 3 pm I prefer you to server lunch which contain biryani, drinks, and dessert like custurd. Furthermore, kindly make it sure all your responsibilities are well performed because I don’t expect any mess at this day.Now, another thing which I want to discus is about budget I have. Furthermore, I appriciate 599 for each head.

Kindly inform me as soon as possible. I shall be very thankfull to you.

Your sincerely,

XY Z

Word Count: 234

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

other: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The letter attempts to address the task but includes irrelevant details and lacks clarity in key areas. The requested activities and fitness levels of participants are not mentioned. The budget is mentioned, but not clearly. The tone is somewhat inconsistent and occasionally inappropriate for a formal business letter. To improve, focus on directly addressing all points in the task prompt with clear and relevant information. Maintain a consistently professional tone throughout the letter.

Coherence & Cohesion

The letter's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of ideas could be improved. Consider using more explicit transitions between different aspects of your request (number of participants, dates, activities, budget). Paragraphing could be used more effectively to separate distinct topics. For example, the details about the event schedule could be in a separate paragraph from the budget information.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is basic and sometimes inappropriate for the context. For example, 'mini party' is not a professional term for a team-building event. Using a wider range of vocabulary related to event planning and adventure activities would enhance the letter. Consider using words like 'team-building retreat,' 'outdoor activities,' or 'corporate event.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The letter contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward phrasing. For example, 'build there team work abilities' should be 'build their teamwork abilities,' and 'I want to book your avaneu' is likely intended to be 'I want to book your venue.' Proofreading carefully and using a grammar checker can help improve accuracy. Focus on using correct sentence structures and verb tenses to clearly convey your message.

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