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Band 5+: The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The table below shows employment patterns for males and females in New Zealand in 1993 and 2003.Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.Write at least 150 words.

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The image presents a table with employment data in New Zealand for men and women across six sectors in 1993 and 2003: Manufacturing Men 1993: 55%, 2003: 52%; Women 1993: 45%, 2003: 48%. Building Men 1993: 68%, 2003: 60%; Women 1993: 32%, 2003: 40%. Commerce Men 1993: 45%, 2003: 50%; Women 1993: 55%, 2003: 50%. Services Men 1993: 14%, 2003: 40%; Women 1993: 85%, 2003: 60%. Information Technology Men 1993: 80%, 2003: 70%; Women 1993: 20%, 2003: 30%. Farming Men 1993: 75%, 2003: 65%; Women 1993: 25%, 2003: 35%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The given table illustrates work patterns in various sector for men and women in 1993 and 2003 in New Zealand. For males the highest employment was in infomation technology which was 80 percent in 1993.However, it was mitigeted in 2003 and the ratio was 70 percent. On the other hand, in 1993 the top job proportation for females was 85 percent in sevices.

In 1993, 55 percent was the job ratio in manufacturing for males; allthough , it was equal for females in commerce. The lowest proportation of employment in 1993 for men it was 14 percent in services ; moreover, for women it was 20 percent in information technology. However, in 2003 for males and females it was 50 percent in services.

Farming was the only work sector where the work percentage was highest for men both in 1993 and 2003 it was 75 percent although 65 percent. Meanwhile women was perticipate least than men in this sector and the percentage was 25 to 35 percent from 1993 to 2003. In information technology , building and manufacturing the proportation also followed the same as like farming sector.

Word Count: 188

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percent: 10

sector: 4

women: 3

technology: 3

proportation: 3

females: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the main features of the data and makes some relevant comparisons. However, there are some areas for improvement. The report could benefit from a clearer overall structure, perhaps by grouping sectors with similar trends together. Also, while the report identifies some key figures, it could include a broader range of data points to provide a more comprehensive overview. Finally, ensure that all data is accurate and that the language used is precise and avoids ambiguity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an attempt to organize the information, but the flow is somewhat disjointed. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to improve coherence. For example, the shift from discussing male employment to female employment in the first paragraph feels abrupt. Consider using transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively. Paragraphing could also be improved by grouping related information together more logically.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a mix of vocabulary, some of which is appropriate for the task. However, there are instances where word choice could be more precise ('mitigated' is not the correct word). Expanding your range of vocabulary related to trends and comparisons would enhance the report. For example, instead of 'the ratio was,' you could use 'the proportion decreased to.' Also, ensure that the vocabulary you use is used correctly in context.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, 'infomation technology which was 80 percent' should be 'information technology, which was at 80 percent'. Also, 'women was perticipate' should be 'women participated'. Focus on improving your understanding and application of basic grammar rules. Review and correct errors in your writing to improve accuracy.

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