Opinion

Band 6+: People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

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The creation of an ideal society is still something that appear unattainable. In these decades, people tried to reach it many times but they have always failed.

According to many studies, an ideal society is full of peace and fraternity among people. So, we should start to be more patient and kind with other people in order to create a nice harmony. I believe strongly that the first ingredient for this common goal is the individuals’ attitude. Serenity with ourselves and with our neighbor must be the basis of our existence. In addition, another important aspect to reach an ideal society is that of starting to take care of our environment carefully, without waste and inattention that gets worse the present situation.

Certainly, individuals cannot perform miracles; for this reason, from my point of view, we could create an ideal society only with the help of the government. Unfortunately, there will always be people with conflicting opinions; so as the government has the task of imposing rules that must be respected by the entire population. All this has to have a single goal: the creation of an ideal society. And thus, those who make mistakes or fail to comply the rules pay!

In conclusion, reaching the abstract present concept of an ideal society is possible, especially today that we have a lot of available means to communicate any problem and anything that happens. In general, it needs to collaborate together and only in this way we can try to be an exemplar society.

Word Count: 253

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

society: 7

ideal: 6

people: 4

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the possibility of creating an ideal society and how to achieve it. The ideas are relevant, focusing on individual attitudes, environmental care, and the role of government. However, some points could benefit from more specific examples or deeper exploration to enhance their impact. To improve, consider providing concrete examples to support your claims and elaborating on the potential challenges and solutions in creating an ideal society.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates a generally clear progression of ideas, but the connections between some sentences and paragraphs could be strengthened. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to improve the flow and readability. For instance, in the second paragraph, elaborating on the 'studies' mentioned would enhance coherence. In the third paragraph, the transition from individual actions to the role of government could be smoother. The conclusion could also benefit from a stronger restatement of the main points.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary appropriate to the topic, but there's room for improvement in terms of precision and sophistication. Some phrases are a bit generic (e.g., 'nice harmony,' 'gets worse the present situation'). Try to incorporate more specific and nuanced vocabulary to express your ideas more effectively. For example, instead of 'nice harmony,' you could use 'social cohesion' or 'harmonious coexistence.' Also, focus on using collocations naturally. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage, and correct tense formation. For example, 'something that appear unattainable' should be 'something that appears unattainable,' and 'fail to comply the rules' should be 'fail to comply with the rules.' Proofreading carefully for these types of errors will improve your score. Also, vary your sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of your writing.

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Band 6+: People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

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