Opinion

Band 5+: People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

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History saw many tries of creating the ideal society in a different periods, however many of them failed and only libelarizm and democracy survive among the others. There are a lot of drawbacks even in these idealogies such as wealthy people get more rich and poor people are starving from so many ecological, social and economical problems. In this case, ideal society will be equal and without wars and economic issues. This essay will dive into the topic deeply and give my own opinion.

It is important to understand that in this world people never can built an ideal society without problems because of selfish and egoistic nature of individuals. In this case it is possible to create a society which will be close to and ideal. For example, Scandinavian countries did this, especially, Switzerland. They never participated in wars for over 150 years. And they have a many opportunities for their citizens such as good healthcare, workplaces, salaries and life conditions. However, even there, some people think that, Switzerland is overpriced and life here is not cheap and it make a significant sense for this topic.

Another question is, how people can create a perfect society? In this situation, there are many factors, such as personality and humans’ nature. Humanity always make wars with others for prospects, land, food and resources. That is why, it will be hard to built that society. However, main point is that individuals need to be more careful with others and try to think about their environment too. For example, making life better without corrupted officials and take care of individuals health. Perfect society contains main aspects such as equal rights for everyone, freedom, decent salary and better healthcare.

In conclusion, I believe that one day humanty can built a perect society without any issues such as healthcare, poverty, war and economical problems. It is important for people well-being and happy life.

Word Count: 318

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

society: 7

people: 6

ideal: 4

without: 4

however: 3

others: 3

there: 3

problems: 3

built: 3

individuals: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear position on the possibility of creating an ideal society. The ideas are relevant and supported with examples like Scandinavian countries and Switzerland. However, the essay could benefit from more focused and precise development of the supporting ideas. To improve, consider providing more specific details and analysis to strengthen your arguments and ensure a more cohesive and persuasive response.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay demonstrates some organization, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. The introduction provides a general overview, but lacks a strong thesis statement. Transitions between paragraphs are sometimes abrupt, and the connection between ideas within paragraphs could be strengthened. Consider using more explicit transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument. Also, ensure each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there are instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing. For example, 'libelarizm' should be 'liberalism,' and 'dive into the topic deeply' is somewhat redundant. To improve, focus on using more precise and nuanced vocabulary, and pay attention to collocations and idiomatic expressions. Expanding your vocabulary and practicing its application in context will enhance the clarity and impact of your writing. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including incorrect verb tenses, subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. For example, 'History saw many tries' is not idiomatic, and there are several instances of missing or incorrect articles. To improve, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review your work carefully for errors, and consider seeking feedback from a language tutor or using grammar-checking tools to identify and correct mistakes.

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Band 5+: People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

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Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

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People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

People often think about creating an ideal society, but most of the times fail in making this happen. What is your opinion about an ideal society How can we create an ideal society?

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