Advantage And Disadvantage

Band 4+: The trend of people documenting their lives extensively on social media is growing. Do the advantages of this level of self-documentation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Alot of people nowadays document their lives extensively on social media. I believe that there are alot of disadvantages can occur with these people because the risks outweigh the benefits.

Indivisuals can be bulled by other people who see what they post. they can bully on their shapes, clothes, families and lives as result bad consequences sush as depression, anxiety and suicide can happened. Alot of people become depressed because of bullying because they were very sensitive to what people comments on their lives. furthermore, these people loss the intrest of life, they focused on taking pictures and videos rather than enjoy the moment. for example, i watched a short video where the mother was hitting her son to smile for a picture but she forgot that her son need to play and enjoy the moment.

Additionally, the persons tend to show other people that they have very ideal and beautiful life by travelling, eating and shopping. So they hide their real lives that include sadness, stress and problems. Moreover, if people watch these indivisuals with this happy life, they will be regret because of their bad life beacause they can’t see the other dark side of their life.

Overall, self-documntation is very important to remmeber these gold memories. On the other hand, people shouldn’t forget to enjoy moment. the person can take photos and videos with balance with their families and life.

Word Count: 233

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 9

their: 7

lives: 4

these: 4

because: 4

other: 4

enjoy: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses the main parts of the prompt and presents a position. The main ideas are relevant but lack clarity and sufficient development. To improve, provide more specific examples and elaborate on the potential consequences of each point. Also, ensure a clearer connection between the ideas presented and the overall argument. The essay falls short of the required 250 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay lacks clear organization and logical flow. The ideas are not well-connected, and the paragraphing is weak. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs are often missing or ineffective, making it difficult for the reader to follow the argument. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on using clear topic sentences, providing supporting evidence for each point, and using transition words and phrases to connect ideas smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary, with frequent repetition of simple words and phrases. There are also instances of inaccurate word choice and usage, which detract from the clarity of the writing. To enhance lexical resource, try to incorporate a wider variety of vocabulary related to the topic, paying attention to synonyms, collocations, and idiomatic expressions. Also, ensure that you understand the precise meaning of words before using them. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in sentence structure, verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and punctuation. These errors significantly impede the reader's understanding of the text. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on mastering basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Review grammar concepts regularly and seek feedback on your writing to identify and correct errors.

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