Discussion

Band 6+: Advertising brings many benefits to the economy, but it also makes people dissatisfied with what they already have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Some individuals suggest that the economy benefits greatly from advertising. Others, in contrast, think that it makes people feel unpleasant with what they have already got. Although both views hold merit, I agree more with the former perspective.

On the one hand, advertisements have many functions which can increase the sales of products. They provide more information about the products to the customers and help them choose the item which is most suitable for their demands. For example, people cannot try all shampoos, use all hair dryers in a short term and then pick the best item that they think. Moreover, advertising helps increase the level of recognition of the products, making them become more familiar with people which can raise the sales revenue. As a result, advertising offers numerous advantages to the economy since it can improve the shopping experience of the customers.

On the other hand, advertising will make people feel disappointed about their items. It cannot be denied that nowadays, many companies try to make more misleading advertisements to enhance their revenue by cheating the customers. They also make people get confused while shopping by providing more kinds of products and giving different functions between them although their purposes are similar. That is the reason why customers start to feel disappointed and want to find another product from another misleading advertisement and still feel dissatisfied since they have got fake information. However, the benefits that advertising brings to the economy cannot be underestimated.

Personally, I support the statement that promoting products and services offers numerous benefits to the economy. This is because it can significantly increase the revenue of the companies through idealized and exaggerated images. For example, a strong product launched without promotion may remain invisible, while a weaker but better known rival continues to dominate since it has already familiar. In that sense, advertisements can tell customers that a product exists helping the companies enhance their sales revenue.

Therefore, it is reasonable to say that through the functions of advertisements, companies can gain numerous advantages of the economy rather than make people feel disappointed about what they have already had.

Word Count: 355

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

economy: 5

advertising: 5

products: 5

their: 5

advertisements: 4

customers: 4

companies: 4

benefits: 3

already: 3

functions: 3

which: 3

increase: 3

sales: 3

about: 3

cannot: 3

revenue: 3

numerous: 3

since: 3

disappointed: 3

product: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses all parts of the prompt and presents a clear position throughout the response. The writer discusses both the economic benefits and the psychological dissatisfaction caused by advertising, and provides a personal opinion. However, the development of ideas could be more precise. For instance, in the second body paragraph, the argument focuses heavily on 'misleading advertisements' and 'cheating,' which is a specific subset of advertising rather than a general explanation of how advertising creates a sense of inadequacy or dissatisfaction with current possessions. To improve, ensure that the supporting arguments directly address the core of the prompt - specifically the idea of 'dissatisfaction with what they already have' (e.g., the creation of artificial needs or the 'keeping up with the Joneses' effect) rather than just focusing on deceptive marketing. Additionally, refining the cohesion between the personal opinion paragraph and the preceding arguments would create a more seamless flow.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay follows a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs addressing both sides, and a conclusion. However, the progression of ideas within paragraphs could be smoother. Some cohesive devices are used effectively, but others feel a bit repetitive or mechanical. To improve, focus on using a wider variety of linking words and ensuring that each sentence flows logically into the next to create a more seamless argument.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate to convey the main ideas, but it lacks the sophistication and precision required for higher bands. There is some repetition of words like 'products', 'disappointed', and 'advertising'. Try to use more varied synonyms (e.g., 'consumer goods', 'discontented', 'promotional campaigns') and more academic collocations to demonstrate a wider lexical range. Pay attention to vocabulary repetition to improve the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent errors in grammar and phrasing. Issues include subject-verb agreement, awkward phrasing (e.g., 'make them become more familiar with people'), and incorrect preposition usage. While these errors do not usually prevent understanding, they do impact the overall flow. Focus on refining your control over complex structures and proofreading for minor grammatical slips.

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