Discussion

Band 6+: You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Some people think all lawbreakers should be sent to prison, while others think there are better alternatives for those whose crimes are minor, such as making them do work for the local community. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should write at least 250 words.

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Some people believe that every criminal, wether the offense is minor or not, should be sentenced to jail. However, others believe that different methods of punishment should be applied to those who commited minor crimes. In my opinion, punishment should fit the crime, therefore, if a person’s crime has minor effect, such as vandalism, they should not be sent to prison.

Everyone in society must follow rules and regulations set by the lawmakers, and if they broke the law, there must be consequences. Lawmakers and law enforcement have the responsibility to make sure citizens comply with laws that are upheld, and in order to do that they make sure the lawbreakers are sent to correctional facilities. In addition, if there is a threat of imprisonment for every types of crimes, the public may feel the urge to be law abiding citizens. However, jail is not be the answer to reducing crimes.

There are numerous proofs that after imprisonment, criminals have higher chance of returning to a life of crimes. Also, we must also consider that correctional facility is a harsh environment where different levels of criminals are held captive. For example, if a vandalizer is sent to prison, they could turn into a more hardened criminal, such as, an arsonist. In order to prevent from a such deepening cycle of crimes, a vandalizer could be sentenced to clean their local streets for a certain duration.

In conclusion, although imprisonment can be an effective prevention from breaking the law, it could negatively affect the prisoner’s choices, hence, negatively affecting the ultimate goal of reforming the criminals. So, there should be minor consequences that could help the crime-doers understand the impact of their action.

Word Count: 282

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C2 - Complex
Continue to challenge and refine your language choices.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

should: 5

minor: 4

crimes: 4

could: 4

there: 3

imprisonment: 3

criminals: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The essay addresses both views and presents a clear position. The main parts of the prompt are covered, and the argument is generally coherent. However, the supporting ideas could be more precise and developed. For improvement, ensure that each paragraph fully explores the point with specific examples or deeper reasoning. Also, avoid minor errors like 'wether' (whether) and 'commited' (committed) to enhance clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, two body paragraphs discussing each view, and a conclusion. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear connections between ideas. For example, the transition from the first body paragraph to the second could be smoother. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more concise. To improve, use more cohesive devices (e.g., 'on the one hand', 'in contrast') to link paragraphs and ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea.

Lexical Resource

The essay uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, such as 'lawbreakers', 'correctional facilities', and 'hardened criminal'. However, there are some errors in word choice and collocation (e.g., 'wether' instead of 'whether', 'commited' instead of 'committed', 'a such deepening cycle'). The phrasing is sometimes unnatural (e.g., 'jail is not be the answer'). To improve, focus on using more precise and natural vocabulary, and proofread for spelling and word form errors.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The essay attempts a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include: 'wether' (spelling), 'commited' (spelling), 'jail is not be the answer' (incorrect verb form), 'from a such deepening cycle' (incorrect article and word order). Punctuation is generally correct, but some sentences are run-on or lack proper commas. To improve, review basic grammar rules (e.g., subject-verb agreement, correct verb forms) and practice writing more complex sentences accurately.

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