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Band 6+: changes that have taken place at west park seconday school since 1950

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The image shows diagrams for 1950, 1980, 2010; in 1950: School beside Main road, with area for Houses on left, Playground on right, and Farmland south; in 1980: School expanded (Main building plus Science block), Houses replaced by Car park, Farmland converted to Sports field, Playground unchanged; in 2010: Science block expanded to north, Car park shifted and resized rightwards, Sports field remains, Playground shrunk.

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The provided layouts demonstrate the appeared differences at West park Middle school after the rebuild in 1950.

In summary, throughout 60 years, there were many notable changes in size,location,new spaces, and other points which are worth to mention. Notably, while some places expanded or removed, the school and Main road remained still.

To commence with, in 1950, there were houses next to the school and opposite the road. Behind these two buildings, there was a playing field next to the farmland. In 1980, space for houses where people could live was rebuild into a car park. What is also noteworthy is that the new additional block for school’s science lessons was constructed between the school and parking place. According to the scheme of reconstruction, the farmland was removed and replaced with the large sports field.

In 2010, the car park was significantly enlarged. Meanwhile, court for sports was no longer that big as it was 3 decades ago. Finally, while playground has slightly reduced in size, Middle school and its Science block had no changes.

Word Count: 175

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

school: 5

there: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately covers the main changes at West Park Secondary School over the given period. However, there's room for improvement in terms of detail and accuracy. For instance, the playground actually shrunk in size, and the science block expanded in 2010. To improve, focus on providing more specific details and ensuring all information is accurate. Also, consider structuring the report to directly compare changes between periods for greater clarity.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow could be improved. The introduction provides a general overview, but it lacks a clear thesis statement outlining the specific changes that will be discussed. The body paragraphs generally follow a chronological order, but the transitions between them could be smoother. For example, the transition from the 1980 changes to the 2010 changes could be more explicit. The conclusion summarizes the main changes, but it could be more concise and impactful. Consider using more varied cohesive devices to enhance the flow of the report.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a satisfactory range of vocabulary, but there are some instances where the word choice could be more precise and sophisticated. For example, instead of saying "appeared differences," you could use "changes" or "transformations." Instead of saying "new spaces," you could use "new facilities" or "new areas." Consider using more synonyms and paraphrasing to avoid repetition and demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary. Also, pay attention to the correct usage of prepositions and articles. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. For example, there are errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and article usage. There are also some awkward phrasings and sentence structures that could be improved. For example, "space for houses where people could live was rebuild into a car park" could be rephrased as "the area previously occupied by houses was redeveloped into a car park." Pay close attention to grammar rules and sentence structure to improve the accuracy and clarity of your writing.

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