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Band 5+: summarise the informartion by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant

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The image shows two bar charts comparing employment rates by gender across three countries in 2005 and 2015. In 2005, Canada's male employment rate is approximately 70% and female rate is 55%; South Korea's male rate is 75% and female rate is 35%; Sweden's male rate is 78% and female rate is 68%. By 2015, Canada's male rate is about 68% and female rate is 58%; South Korea's male rate is 72% and female rate is 45%; Sweden's male rate is 74% and female rate is 70%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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This bar chart demonstrates rates of employment in 2005 and 2015 between males and females.

From the overall perspective, males showed higher percentage of employment in both 2015 and 2005, while females were lower and did not increased significantly in 10 years.

In 2005, men’s rate of employment illustrates that in Canada it was approximately 60 percent, however after 10 years it steadily increased and never exceeded 70 percent. In South Korea, it showed for 75 percent first and remained stable to 2015 year. In Sweden it started with almost 80 percent, however it slightly decreased to approximately 68 percent.

In situation of women, in Canada rate of employment was almost 35 and 55 percent in 2005 and 2015 years, respectively, that means that it rocketed. In South Korea, it showed about 25 percent in the beginning, and then relatively insreased by 5 percent. Females showed for 45 percent in Sweden, while in 2015 it increased up to 50 percent.

Word Count: 160

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

percent: 9

employment: 4

showed: 4

increased: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the task but contains some inaccuracies and omissions. The overview is acceptable. However, the body paragraphs contain some inaccurate data. For example, the report states that in 2005, the male employment rate in Canada was approximately 60 percent, but the visual description indicates it was closer to 70 percent. Similarly, the female employment rate for Canada in 2005 is reported as almost 35 percent, while the visual description suggests it was 55 percent. The report also states that the male employment rate in Sweden decreased to approximately 68 percent, but the visual description indicates it decreased to 74 percent. To improve, ensure that the data presented in the report accurately reflects the information provided in the visual description.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report's organization is somewhat unclear, and the flow of information could be improved. Consider structuring the report with a clearer topic sentence for each paragraph to guide the reader. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could also be smoother to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate but could be more varied and precise. Try to incorporate a wider range of synonyms and more specific terms related to employment rates and trends. For example, instead of 'showed,' consider using 'indicated,' 'demonstrated,' or 'represented.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

There are several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect the clarity of the report. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading carefully for these errors will significantly enhance the report's accuracy.

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summarise the informartion by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant

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