Bar Chart

Band 6+: the bar chart below shows the percentage of "very good reply" in four aspects in three hospitals in 2009

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The image shows percentage of 'very good reply' in 2009 for waiting time: Hospital A 85%, Hospital B 60%, Hospital C 35%; staff: Hospital A 60%, Hospital B 50%, Hospital C 45%; hospital treatment: Hospital A 60%, Hospital B 45%, Hospital C 40%; cares after treatment: Hospital A 80%, Hospital B 50%, Hospital C 39%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The data presented below provides information about responses received from 4 different sections of 3 healthcare facilities in the year 2009. Overall, the responses from the 3 aspects have similar trend, they appear to be in a decreasing manner; however, care after treatment fails to align with this pattern.

The waiting time, staff and hospital treatment in Hospital A,B and C are similar – this is obvious as Hospital A recorded the highest percentage across all 3 sections. This was subsequently followed by hospital B then C. Hospital A has the peak percentage of about 80% in terms of staff response, which is in stark contrast to care after treatment that has a little above 50% in the same hospital, which was the lowest.

Hospital B has the most number of care after treatment response – this was proven by the approximately 80% recorded. The waiting time in the same center was the lowest at about 60% which is the same for Hospital C.

Word Count: 164

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

hospital: 7

treatment: 4

about: 3

after: 3

which: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies some key trends and makes some comparisons between the hospitals. However, there are inaccuracies in the data reported, and the structure could be improved for clarity. To improve, ensure all data points are accurately represented and organize the information more logically, perhaps by discussing each hospital individually or by comparing the same aspect across all hospitals.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but the structure could be improved for better clarity. The introduction provides a general overview, but the subsequent paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions, making it harder to follow the comparisons between hospitals and aspects. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to connect ideas and improve the flow of information. For example, use phrases like 'In contrast,' 'Similarly,' or 'Furthermore' to guide the reader through the data.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances where the word choice could be more precise. For example, 'responses from the 3 aspects have similar trend' could be rephrased for greater clarity. To enhance the lexical resource, try incorporating synonyms and more specific terms related to data analysis and comparison. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for an academic writing task.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors and phrasing issues that affect clarity. For instance, the sentence 'Hospital B has the most number of care after treatment response - this was proven by the approximately 80% recorded' contains inaccuracies. Focus on improving sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and the correct use of articles and prepositions. Proofreading carefully and using grammar resources can help reduce these errors.

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