Bar Chart

Band 4+: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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Image for topic: The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. Summarize the information by selecting and report in the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words

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The image depicts a bar chart with 3 groups of data (IBM, Microsoft, Apple) for 6 different years (1980, 1985, 1990, 1995, 2000, 2010); percentages on the y-axis range from 0% to 70% in 10% increments; IBM percentages for each year: 1980-5%, 1985-20%, 1990-25%, 1995-20%, 2000-15%, 2010-10%; Microsoft percentages for each year: 1980-0%, 1985-5%, 1990-10%, 1995-35%, 2000-30%, 2010-25%; Apple percentages for each year: 1980-10%, 1985-10%, 1990-5%, 1995-10%, 2000-15%, 2010-60%.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Writing Task 1.

The following bar graph illustrates the involvement of men in senior development in IBM, Microsoft and Apple focusing time period of 30 years starting from 1980.

Overall, men working in Microsoft increases throughout the period while working in IBM was seen to be the least in starting and the highest at the end of period. Moreover, Apple follows the same trend as IBM but viceversa.

To begin with year 1980, men working at IBM was the least among three but with the time it was seen it rose gradually over the period and reached peaked in 2010. Talking about involvement of men in Microsoft, it was observed that there was gradual increasement over the period of time. But, in apple, there was highest participation of men in the starting of year among three banks which flucuate over time period and resulted on the least involvement in the final year i.e. 2010.

Word Count: 154

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Overall Band Score

4.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

period: 6

involvement: 3

microsoft: 3

apple: 3

starting: 3

working: 3

least: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but contains inaccuracies and generalizations that detract from the overall achievement. The description of the data lacks precision and contains some misunderstandings. To improve, focus on providing more specific data points and avoid broad generalizations. Ensure accurate interpretation of the data to avoid misrepresentation.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report lacks clear organization and logical flow. The overall structure is weak, and the connections between sentences and paragraphs are not always clear. The introduction is adequate, but the body paragraphs lack a clear focus. The transitions between ideas are abrupt, making it difficult for the reader to follow the analysis. To improve coherence and cohesion, focus on creating a more structured outline before writing. Use topic sentences to introduce the main idea of each paragraph and transition words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary. There is some repetition of words and phrases, and the language used is not always precise or sophisticated. To enhance lexical resource, try to use a wider variety of synonyms and more specific vocabulary related to the topic. Consider using a thesaurus to find alternative words and phrases. Also, pay attention to the collocations and idiomatic expressions commonly used in academic writing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors, including errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. These errors significantly affect the clarity and accuracy of the writing. To improve grammatical range and accuracy, focus on reviewing basic grammar rules and practicing sentence construction. Pay attention to common errors and use grammar resources to identify and correct mistakes. Consider seeking feedback from a language tutor or using grammar-checking software to identify and address grammatical issues.

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