Bar Chart

Band 5+: the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

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The image shows a bar chart on the percentage of Australian boys and girls in different after-school sport activities in 2010, with the following data: Swimming - Boys 13%, Girls 16%; Football - Boys 20%, Girls 4%; Netball - Boys 2%, Girls 17%; Basketball - Boys 8%, Girls 7%; and No sports - Boys 4%, Girls 5%.

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The bar chart compares the percentage of students attending the four sport activities and who discarded it after school in Australia in 2010. Overall, the proportion of attendance to swimming was even higher than the other listed categories. Moreover, the rate of students who played football shows the biggest proportion across all the men, and the lowest was responsible for their female counterparts,however the reverse can be seen in netball. There was a narrow gap in swimming, basketball and non sports.

Looking at the bigger numbers, attendance was much higher in football and netball in one of genders then the other remaining categories. Football was less common between girls(4%) while netball was the highest preferable choice(17%) among other categories. The opposite was true for male counterparts, with former (20%) and latter(2%).

When it comes to smaller figures, the rate of students went to swimming and basketball and non sport attenders. While swimming leads the group, basketball shows the moderate figure, and non-sport students lags behind in male sportsmens, with respective figures 14%, 8%, and 4%. Likewise, the first was 16%, the second 7%, and the last 5% in girls.

Word Count: 189

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

students: 4

swimming: 4

other: 3

categories: 3

football: 3

netball: 3

basketball: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task and provides a generally clear overview of the data. However, there are some areas for improvement. The organization could be more logical, and the report contains some minor inaccuracies and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on structuring the report with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensuring precise language when describing the data.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize the information, but the flow is somewhat disrupted by abrupt transitions and a lack of clear connections between ideas. Paragraphing is present but could be more effectively used to group related information and improve the overall structure. To enhance coherence, consider using more transitional phrases and ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single, well-defined aspect of the data. For example, group the sports with significant gender differences in one paragraph and those with smaller differences in another.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise and natural. For example, 'discarded it' could be replaced with 'did not participate'. To improve lexical resource, focus on using synonyms and varied vocabulary to describe trends and comparisons. Also, ensure that the vocabulary used is appropriate for the context and avoids awkward phrasing.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report exhibits a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but grammatical errors and phrasing issues are noticeable and impact clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence construction. To enhance grammatical range and accuracy, carefully review each sentence for errors, paying attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and correct use of articles and prepositions. Consider breaking down overly complex sentences into simpler ones to improve clarity.

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Band 5+: the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

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the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

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