Bar Chart

Band 6+: the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

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The image shows a bar chart on the percentage of Australian boys and girls in different after-school sport activities in 2010, with the following data: Swimming - Boys 13%, Girls 16%; Football - Boys 20%, Girls 4%; Netball - Boys 2%, Girls 17%; Basketball - Boys 8%, Girls 7%; and No sports - Boys 4%, Girls 5%.

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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of Australian attendee of four distinct sport activities after school in 2010 devided by gender, male and female.

Overall, more boys attended sports such as football and basket ball, while girls’ attending rate excceded in swimming, netball, and no sports as well. The participation rate in no sports was the least chosen category in total.

In football, there were 20% of male participants, while the famle attending rate of it contribured below 5%, a sport that can be seen a noticable variation of data in different genders. Conversely, only a marginal gap can be found in basketball, around 8% of boys and 7% of girls attending to it.

On the other hand, a noticeable gap can be found in the participation rate of netball. Approximately 17% of girls played netball while only about 2% of boys chose the sport. Similarly, percentage of girls surpassed boys in swimming, about 16% of girls and 13% of boys attending to it. The fewest participated option, no sports held about 5% of females and 4% of males.

Word Count: 179

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Overall Band Score

6.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

sports: 4

attending: 4

girls: 4

sport: 3

while: 3

netball: 3

about: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report effectively addresses the task by describing the main trends and comparing the data for boys and girls across the different sports. The overall structure is clear, with an introduction, an overview, and detailed paragraphs. However, there are some minor omissions and lapses in accuracy and clarity. For instance, the phrase 'attending rate excceded' contains a spelling error, and 'famle' and 'contribured' are misspelled. Additionally, the statement 'the participation rate in no sports was the least chosen category in total' is slightly misleading, as it could be interpreted as the total number of participants, but the data shows percentages for each gender. The report could also benefit from more precise language, such as 'the percentage of girls surpassed that of boys in swimming' instead of 'percentage of girls surpassed boys.' Overall, the response covers the requirements well, but minor inaccuracies and language issues prevent it from achieving a higher score.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a clear overall structure with an introduction, an overview, and body paragraphs. However, the flow is sometimes disrupted by awkward phrasing and unclear referencing (e.g., 'a sport that can be seen a noticable variation of data in different genders'). The paragraphing is logical, but the use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate. To improve, use a wider range of linking words and ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea with smooth transitions between sentences.

Lexical Resource

The report uses some appropriate vocabulary (e.g., 'illustrates', 'proportion', 'participation rate', 'marginal gap'), but there are several spelling errors (e.g., 'devided', 'excceded', 'famle', 'contribured', 'noticable') and some awkward word choices (e.g., 'attenders', 'attending rate', 'the fewest participated option'). To improve, expand your range of synonyms and ensure correct spelling and word forms. Use more precise and natural collocations, such as 'the percentage of boys' instead of 'the rate of attenders'.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report attempts to use a variety of sentence structures, including comparisons and contrasts, but there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that affect clarity (e.g., 'the proportion of Australian attendee of four distinct sport activities after school in 2010 devided by gender' and 'while the famle attending rate of it contribured below 5%'). Punctuation is mostly correct, but some sentences are run-ons or lack proper subject-verb agreement. To improve, focus on sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and using correct prepositions. Proofreading for common errors would also help.

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Band 6+: the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

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Answers On The Same Topic:

the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

the bar chart shows the rate of attenders to the sport activities in boy and girls

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