Bar Chart

Band 7+: The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below

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The image shows numbers of employed persons by job type and sex in Australia, 2003. For Managers: Males 400,000, Females 200,000; Professionals: Males 400,000, Females 500,000; Semi Professionals: Males 300,000, Females 500,000; Tradespersons: Males 700,000, Females 100,000; Production: Males 500,000, Females 100,000; Clerical: Males 200,000, Females 700,000; Labourers: Males 400,000, Females 200,000.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The provided bar graph illustrates the number of employees in Australia by different types of jobs and by sex in the year 2003.

Overall, it is clear that clerical jobs attracted the highest number of people. Furthermore, there was an apparent dominance in the proportion of males relative to females, particularly in occupations such as managers, tradespeople, and production workers.

To be more specific, the number of men working as managers was three times more than women amounting to 600,000 people. Moreover, men are significantly more numerous than women in trades and production roles. In contrast, women slightly outnumbered men in clerical and professional jobs, with a difference of around 50,000.

Additionally, labourers employed the least number of people for both males and females, accounting for 400,000 and 280,000, respectively. Finally, semi-professional males amounted to 500,000, while females represented a figure of over 300,000.

Word Count: 144

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

number: 4

people: 3

males: 3

females: 3

women: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately covers the main features of the graph, providing a general overview and some specific details. However, there are some inaccuracies in the data reported (e.g., the number of men working as managers, the number of labourers). To improve, ensure all data cited is accurate and consider including more comparative language to highlight key differences and trends more effectively. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally well-organized with a clear structure, including an introduction, overview, and specific details. The information is presented logically, and the paragraphing is effective. However, the final paragraph feels slightly disjointed and could be better integrated with the preceding information. Consider using more cohesive devices to link ideas between paragraphs and within the final paragraph to improve the flow.

Lexical Resource

The report demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, using appropriate terms to describe the data and trends. Phrases like 'apparent dominance,' 'significantly more numerous,' and 'outnumbered' are effective. However, there's room to enhance the sophistication of the language further. For instance, instead of 'three times more,' you could use 'a threefold increase' or 'three times as many.' Also, ensure accuracy in data representation; the numbers mentioned in the final paragraph do not accurately reflect the data provided.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a good command of grammar with a variety of sentence structures. There are only minor errors, and overall, the writing is accurate and clear. Pay close attention to the accuracy of the data presented to ensure it aligns with the visual information. Double-check calculations and figures before including them in the report.

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Band 7+: The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below

Check Your Answer On This Topic?

Generate A Band-9 Sample Answer?

Overall Band Score

Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

Answers On The Same Topic:

The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below

The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below

The bar graph below shows the numbers of employed persons by job type and sex for Australia in the year 2003. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below

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Task Response

Coherence & Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

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