Pie Chart

Band 5+: The chart below gives information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009.

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Image for topic: The chart below gives information about what nursing graduates did after finishing their course in the UK in 2009.

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The image details the destinations of nursing graduates in the UK for the year 2009: 84% are working in the health sector, 8% are pursuing further study, 4% are both working and studying, 2% are unemployed, and 2% fall into the other category.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The pie chart is an illustration of activities done by nurses in the UK after 2009 graduation. Overall, most 2009 nurses graduates in the UK were working in the health care department.

Firstly, it is noticeable and significant fact is that nurses working in health sector accounts for the highest proportion of 84% out of 100%, which indicated that more of nurses got employed soon after thier graduation, followed by nurses working and study, with the proportion of only 8% out of 100%. Most interestingly, both nurses furthering thier studies and other accounts for the lowest percentage at 2%, which shows that fewer nurses where interested in attaining a better position and upgrading thier career.

Additionally, only 4% of the nurses graduated in the same year remained unemployed.

Word Count: 128

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

nurses: 8

working: 3

thier: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report covers the requirements of the task, providing a general overview of the activities of nursing graduates in the UK after 2009. However, there are some omissions and lapses, such as not grouping categories effectively for comparison. To improve, focus on grouping data to highlight key trends and differences more clearly. Also, ensure that all percentages are accurately represented and avoid speculative statements not directly supported by the data. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is generally understandable, but the organization could be improved. Consider grouping similar information together and using clearer transitions between ideas. For example, you could discuss the employment figures together before moving on to further studies and unemployment. Also, avoid abrupt shifts in focus between sentences within a paragraph.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is adequate but could be more varied and precise. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'proportion,' consider alternatives like 'percentage,' 'share,' or 'segment.' Also, try to incorporate more specific vocabulary related to employment and education to enhance the description.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement ('nurses working' should be 'nurses work'), correct use of articles ('the health sector'), and pronoun agreement ('their graduation'). Also, review sentence structure to avoid awkward phrasing and ensure sentences are grammatically complete.

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