Bar Chart

Band 6+: The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image shows attendances per 1000 population by age group for December 2016 and December 2017; Under 5 had approximately 67 in 2016 and 60 in 2017; Aged 5-15 had about 27 in 2016 and 28 in 2017; Aged 16-44 had around 30 in 2016 and 32 in 2017; Aged 45-64 had close to 36 in both years; Aged 65-74 had around 42 in 2016 and 44 in 2017; Aged 75 & Over had approximately 63 in 2016 and 68 in 2017.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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Note: Both the topic and the answer were created by one of our users.

The given bar chart below shows the dynamic of people who attended hospital emergency services in Northern Ireland by age group and attendances per 1000 population in December 2016 to December 2017.

Overall, the biggest number of patients in Northern Ireland was the elderly aged between 75 and over people. The average age of patients who visited less was 5-15 years old people.

According to the chart, in December 2016, the number of people under the age of 5 came to the hospital is approximately 55 per 1000 population and 5-15 aged reached 20. It is clear that ages from 16 to 65-74 had the same rate of illnesses (30). Furthermore, 45-64 aged had the attendance of 27 persons per 1000. And the highest score (65) had 75 and over.

On the other side, children under 5 years old was 55 per 1000 persons in 2017. People aged 5-15 had the 22, the 16-44 and the 65-74 aged had attendance which was 35. Moreover, 45-64 years old patients were 34 users. And the eldest people were 70 people in the hospital.

Word Count: 181

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
A2 - Upper Beginner
Consider using more varied and advanced words.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 6

hospital: 3

december: 3

patients: 3

years: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report generally addresses the requirements of the task, but there are some inaccuracies in the data reported. The writing could be more precise and avoid some generalizations. For improvement, focus on accurately representing the data and using more specific language.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report demonstrates an adequate attempt to organize information, but the flow could be improved. The introduction is present, and an attempt is made to provide an overview. However, the organization of details within the body paragraphs is somewhat disjointed, making it harder to follow the comparisons between the two years. Consider grouping information more thematically, such as discussing each age group's changes across the two years in a single paragraph. Improve the use of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly.

Lexical Resource

The report uses a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are instances where word choice could be more precise. For example, using 'dynamic' to describe the chart is not the most accurate term. There are also some awkward phrasings, such as 'the biggest number of patients...was the elderly aged between 75 and over people.' Focus on using more specific and varied vocabulary to describe trends and data, and ensure that the phrasing is natural and accurate. Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. Examples include incorrect verb tenses ('came to the hospital is approximately 55'), subject-verb agreement issues, and awkward sentence structures. There are also inconsistencies in the use of articles and prepositions. While the overall meaning is generally understandable, these errors detract from the report's overall quality. Focus on improving grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to enhance clarity.

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