Bar Chart

Band 6+: The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image shows attendances per 1000 population by age group for December 2016 and December 2017; Under 5 had approximately 67 in 2016 and 60 in 2017; Aged 5-15 had about 27 in 2016 and 28 in 2017; Aged 16-44 had around 30 in 2016 and 32 in 2017; Aged 45-64 had close to 36 in both years; Aged 65-74 had around 42 in 2016 and 44 in 2017; Aged 75 & Over had approximately 63 in 2016 and 68 in 2017.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the data for participation in hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by different age groups.

Overall, it is clear that the figures for attendance in all age groups in December 2017 are higher than those in 2016. While the proportion of 75-year-old participants’ attendance exceeded 60, the lowest amounts were recorded among people aged 5-15.

In the year 2016, 75-year-old Irish people made up about three times more than 5- 15-year-old people. Those aged 16-74 maintained roughly stability, while those under five years applied more.

In the year 2017, the figures for people aged 45-64 and 65-74 were approximately the same rather than other age groups. It is noticeable that children under 5 years and older people aged 75 and over tend to go hospital.

The amount of attendance among citizens aged 16-44 could not reach 40 in the given periods.

Word Count: 146

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B1 - Intermediate
Using more sophisticated words could be beneficial.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

people: 5

attendance: 3

those: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies some main features but contains inaccuracies and generalizations. The statement that figures for all age groups were higher in 2017 is not entirely correct. The report also contains some awkward phrasing and imprecise language. To improve, focus on providing more accurate data and use more precise language to describe trends and comparisons. Ensure that all key features are addressed with supporting data. The report falls short of the required 150 words.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a generally clear overview of the data, but the organization could be improved for better flow. The 'overall' statement is a good start, but the subsequent paragraphing and sequencing of details feel somewhat disjointed. Consider grouping information by age group trends or comparing specific changes between the two years more directly within each paragraph. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance coherence.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for describing the data, but there's room for more precise and varied language. For instance, instead of repeatedly using 'figures for attendance,' try synonyms like 'rates of participation,' 'hospital visit numbers,' or 'emergency department usage.' Also, explore more descriptive adjectives and adverbs to convey the nuances of the data, such as 'slightly increased,' 'remained relatively stable,' or 'experienced a noticeable decrease.' Boost vocabulary complexity to elevate the overall score.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a reasonable command of grammar, but there are noticeable errors that affect clarity. Pay close attention to subject-verb agreement, article usage (e.g., 'the' vs. 'a'), and correct tense usage. Sentence structure is generally simple; try incorporating more complex sentences to showcase a wider range of grammatical structures. Proofreading carefully for these errors will significantly improve the report's accuracy.

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