Bar Chart

Band 4+: The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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Image for topic: The chart below shows figures for attendances at hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland by age group in December 2016 and December 2017. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

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The image shows attendances per 1000 population by age group for December 2016 and December 2017; Under 5 had approximately 67 in 2016 and 60 in 2017; Aged 5-15 had about 27 in 2016 and 28 in 2017; Aged 16-44 had around 30 in 2016 and 32 in 2017; Aged 45-64 had close to 36 in both years; Aged 65-74 had around 42 in 2016 and 44 in 2017; Aged 75 & Over had approximately 63 in 2016 and 68 in 2017.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart illustrates the proportion of attendance on hospital emergency care departments in Northern Ireland for different age group in December 2016 and December 2017.

Overall, the number of attendance in December 2016 and 2017 were the largest population in senior citizens, and under 5 age group. Notably, the attendance of aged 5 – 15 was the lowest population during this period,

To begin with, all age group showed the proportion of attendance higher then befor years attendance in this chart, whereas above 60.0 rates was age group 75+, and under 5 group had 50.0 rates in december 2016. There are showed also a slight increase in the following the period, approximately 05.0 rates.

In contrast, there are age group 5 to 15, 16 to 44, 45 to 64, and 65 to 74 were an flucluations their population on hospital emergency care department, approximately below 30.0 rates in each period.

Word Count: 151

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Overall Band Score

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

group: 6

attendance: 5

december: 4

population: 3

rates: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task by providing an overview and some comparisons, but it contains several inaccuracies and unclear expressions. The overall trend is not clearly described, and some data points are misrepresented (e.g., 'above 60.0 rates' for 75+ and '50.0 rates' for under 5 in 2016, which are not accurate). The language is often unclear or awkward, and the report lacks precise data for all age groups. To improve, focus on accurately reporting the main trends, making clear comparisons between the two years, and using clearer, more precise language. Ensure that all age groups are covered and that the overview is accurate and well-supported.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report has a basic structure with an introduction and an overall statement, but the progression of ideas is not always clear. The second paragraph attempts to group age categories, but the logic is confusing and the comparison between years is not clearly presented. The use of cohesive devices is limited and sometimes inaccurate (e.g., 'whereas', 'in contrast'), which makes the message difficult to follow. To improve, organize the information into clear paragraphs, each focusing on a specific trend or comparison, and use a range of linking words accurately to guide the reader.

Lexical Resource

The range of vocabulary is limited and there are several errors in word choice and phrasing (e.g., 'attendance on hospital emergency care departments', 'the number of attendance', 'higher then befor years attendance'). Some attempts at using more sophisticated language are unsuccessful (e.g., 'flucluations'). To improve, use precise and natural vocabulary for describing data (e.g., 'figures', 'rates', 'experienced a rise/fall', 'remained stable'), and ensure correct collocations (e.g., 'attendance at emergency departments').

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains numerous grammatical errors that significantly affect clarity, including incorrect verb forms ('were the largest population'), subject-verb agreement ('all age group showed'), and punctuation issues (e.g., missing commas, incorrect use of periods). There are also incomplete sentences and awkward phrasing. To improve, focus on writing clear, grammatically correct sentences, and proofread carefully. Practice using a variety of sentence structures, such as complex sentences with relative clauses, to enhance accuracy and range.

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