Bar Chart

Band 6+: The chart below shows the percentage of children in a European country who took part in four kinds of activities in 2009

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Image for topic: The chart below shows the percentage of children in a European country who took part in four kinds of activities in 2009

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The image displays a bar chart titled 'The percentage of children in four kinds of activities, 2009', showing data for age groups 5-8, 9-11, and 12-15 years old. Participation percentages were as follows: Watch TV - 5-8 years (97%), 9-11 years (82%), 12-15 years (80%); Read comics - 5-8 years (62%), 9-11 years (65%), 12-15 years (65%); Play video games - 5-8 years (60%), 9-11 years (57%), 12-15 years (40%); and Ride bikes - 5-8 years (67%), 9-11 years (60%), 12-15 years (82%).

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The diagram illustrates the percentage of children in a European country who participated in four kinds of activities in 2009.

Overall, watching TV was the most popular activity among younger children, while riding bikes was preferred by older kids. In contrast, playing video games became less popular as children grew older.

In 2009, watching TV was the most popular activity on children in the 5-8 group and reached almost 100% over all of the kinds of activities. Moreover, the second largest percentage held by ride bikes with almost 75%, and play video games and read comics accounted for a similar percentage. Furthermore, watch TV remained the largest percentage of children among 9-11 years old with more than 75%. Read comics, play video games and ride bikes with more than 50% interest. In addition, the most popular activity for children around 12-15 years old were ride bikes and watch TV with up to 75%, read comics got less than 75%. However, the lowest percentage occupied by play video games with the total approximately 50%

Word Count: 173

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

children: 6

percentage: 5

popular: 4

bikes: 4

video: 4

games: 4

activity: 3

comics: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report adequately covers the requirements of the task, providing a general overview and highlighting key trends in the data. However, there are some areas for improvement. The report could benefit from more precise data referencing and a clearer structure within the body paragraphs. For example, instead of saying 'almost 100%', you could state the actual percentage (97%). Also, the last sentence is a bit awkward. Try to use a wider range of vocabulary to describe the data and avoid repetition.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents a general overview and attempts to group information, but the flow could be improved. The organization of details within paragraphs feels somewhat disjointed, making it harder to follow the specific trends. Consider using more explicit linking words and phrases to connect ideas and ensure a smoother transition between sentences. For example, instead of simply stating facts one after another, try to show the relationship between them (e.g., 'While X was true for younger children, conversely Y was observed in older children').

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary is generally adequate for the task, but there's room for improvement in terms of variety and precision. The report relies on phrases like 'most popular' and 'largest percentage' repeatedly. Try to incorporate synonyms or more descriptive language to add nuance and sophistication. For instance, instead of 'most popular,' you could use 'predominant,' 'favored,' or 'the activity of choice.' Also, be mindful of using more precise language when describing data; instead of 'almost 100%,' provide a more specific range or approximation.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with sentence structure, subject-verb agreement, and the use of articles. For example, 'watching TV was the most popular activity on children' is not grammatically correct. Pay close attention to these areas and proofread carefully to minimize errors. Varying sentence structure can also enhance the overall quality of the writing.

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