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Band 5+: the charts below show the proportion of holidaymakers using four different types of accomodation in three different years

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The image depicts three pie charts for the years 1988, 1998, and 2008, showing the proportion of holidaymakers using four accommodation types. In 1988, staying with family was 55%, rented apartment was 15%, camping was 23%, hotels were 7%. In 1998, staying with family was 50%, rented apartment was 22%, camping was 17%, hotels were 11%. In 2008, staying with family was 44%, rented apartment was 22%, camping was 32%, hotels were 2%.

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The bar graphs illustrate the percentage of four various kinds of accommodation, namely staying with family, rented apartments, camping, and hotels that was used by holidaymakers in a 20-year period from 1988 to 2008. Overall, the proportion of both hotels and rented apartments witnessed an increase, while the opposite trend was observed in staying with family and camping. There is also clear that there was a significant increase in the proportion of rented apartments throughout the given period. It is also worth noting that the percentage of staying with family remained dominant, despite a slight decrease.

Hotels and Rented apartments showed increases in figures. Hotels started with 15% in 1988 and then increased to 22% in 1998 and followed by a period of stability until the final year. Rented apartments started with 7% and became 11% in 1998 and 2008 experienced a significant increase to 22%.

Staying with family and Camping, on the other hand, bucked the trend. Staying with family reached its peak in 1988 and was 52% and then a slight increase was observed in the proportion of staying with family but in decreased to 44% in 2008. Camping started with 26% in 1988. However, the proportion of camping experienced a significant decline to 13% in 1998 and 2008 saw a slight decrease to 12%.

Word Count: 217

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Overall Band Score

5.5

(+/- 0.5)

Vocabulary Complexity:
B2 - Upper Intermediate
Opt for even more advanced words when appropriate.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

family: 6

staying: 5

rented: 5

apartments: 5

camping: 5

proportion: 4

increase: 4

hotels: 3

period: 3

significant: 3

slight: 3

started: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report attempts to address the task but suffers from significant inaccuracies in data reporting and a fundamental error in identifying the visual format. The report describes the charts as 'bar graphs' when they are pie charts. More importantly, the data provided in the body paragraphs is almost entirely swapped or incorrect compared to the visual description (e.g., attributing the hotel percentages to rented apartments and vice versa). While the structure is logical and an overview is provided, the inaccuracies in the key details significantly hinder the task achievement. To improve, ensure that the data points are carefully matched to the correct categories and that the type of chart is correctly identified in the introduction.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report is organized into logical paragraphs, and the progression of ideas is generally easy to follow. However, there are some issues with cohesive devices and sentence structure that occasionally disrupt the flow. For instance, some sentences are slightly repetitive in their structure. To improve, try to use a wider variety of linking words and ensure that transitions between sentences feel more natural rather than just listing data points. Additionally, ensure that the overview clearly reflects the main trends without getting bogged down in minor details.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is adequate for the task, with some attempts at using varied terminology such as 'witnessed an increase' and 'bucked the trend.' However, there are several instances of imprecise word choice and awkward phrasing (e.g., 'four various kinds of accommodation' and 'There is also clear that'). To reach a higher band, aim for more sophisticated collocations and ensure that the words used are naturally integrated into the sentences. Avoid repetitive use of 'proportion' and 'percentage' by using synonyms or restructuring sentences.

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are frequent grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence construction (e.g., 'and 2008 experienced a significant increase' is a run-on/fragmented thought). There are also errors in tense and preposition usage. To improve, focus on sentence boundary control and ensure that complex sentences are grammatically sound. Practicing the use of relative clauses and participle phrases can help in creating more sophisticated and accurate structures.

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