Bar Chart

Band 5+: The diagram below shows information on Canada's 12 largest aboriginal communities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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Image for topic: The diagram below shows information on Canada's 12 largest aboriginal communities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

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The image displays Canada’s 12 largest urban aboriginal and metropolitan areas, 1996 census, measured in thousands: Victoria holds 5k, Vancouver shows 36k, Calgary indicates 10k, Edmonton records 30k, Saskatoon presents 9k, Regina logs 6k, Prince Albert exhibits 8k, Winnipeg reaches 41k, Thunder Bay accounts for 7k, Toronto depicts 12k, Ottawa-Hull details 10k, and Montreal shows 10k.

Given the complexity of the image, the above description may not be entirely accurate.

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The bar chart showcases the number of citizens of 12 greatest urban aboriginal and metropolitan areas in Canada by the year of 1996. There are 12 places, which are Victoria, Vancouver, Calgary, Edmonton, Saskatoon, Regina, Prince Albert, Winnipeg, Thunder Bay, Toronto, Ottawa-Hull, and Montreal. It is measured in thousands

It can be seen that Winnipeg was the largest areas which has lots of citizens, the number of the citizens was approximately at 46 thousands. As for the lowest was Victoria more or less at 7 thousands.

While Winnipeg recorded as the largest urban area, Edmonton was the second largest site at slightly above 10 thousands, so did Vancouver the third larges. But compared to Vancouver, Edmonton was a little bit higher than Vancouver.

There were also 8 areas i haven’t mentioned, it was Calgary, Saskaton, Regina, Prince Albert, Thunder bay, Toronto, Ottawa-Hull, and Montreal. Among all this 8 sites, Saskaton and Toronto were the highest number of citizens at 16 thousands and the lowest was Thunder Bay at only a little above Victoria.

Word Count: 173

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Overall Band Score

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Vocabulary Complexity:
C1 - Intricate
Strive to incorporate even richer and more precise language.

Grammar Mistakes: N/A

Vocabulary Repetition:

citizens: 4

number: 3

areas: 3

victoria: 3

vancouver: 3

edmonton: 3

winnipeg: 3

thunder: 3

toronto: 3

largest: 3

thousands: 3

Try using synonyms for the above words

Task Response

The report identifies some main features but includes inaccuracies in the data. The organization is somewhat clear, but the description of the data could be more precise and comprehensive. To improve, focus on accurately representing the data and making more specific comparisons. Also, avoid phrases like 'more or less' and provide exact figures.

Coherence & Cohesion

The report presents the information in a somewhat organized manner, but the flow could be improved. The introduction is adequate, but the body paragraphs lack clear topic sentences and transitions. The organization of information feels a bit haphazard, jumping between different areas without a clear structure. To improve coherence, try grouping similar data points together and using transitional phrases to guide the reader. For example, you could group the cities with the highest populations together and then move on to those with the lowest populations. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear focus and purpose.

Lexical Resource

The vocabulary used is relatively basic and lacks the precision needed to effectively describe the data. There is some repetition of words and phrases (e.g., 'largest,' 'citizens'). To enhance lexical resource, try using a wider range of synonyms and more specific vocabulary related to population data. For example, instead of 'lots of citizens,' you could use 'a significant population' or 'a high number of residents.' Also, consider using more precise language to describe the data, such as 'Winnipeg had the highest population' instead of 'Winnipeg was the largest areas which has lots of citizens.'

Grammatical Range & Accuracy

The report contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity. There are issues with subject-verb agreement, article usage, and sentence structure. For example, 'Winnipeg was the largest areas' should be 'Winnipeg was the largest area,' and 'Saskaton and Toronto were the highest number of citizens' is grammatically incorrect. To improve grammatical accuracy, carefully proofread your work and pay attention to basic grammar rules. Focus on using a variety of sentence structures to enhance the flow and readability of your writing.

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